Growing into Awareness

It has been a summer of many blessings and challenges. It is often when we have an expectation of life, when we think we have all the answers that we get knocked around the most. While I learned to love from a truly primal space of trusting the divine, it was trusting the path in front of me that was the hardest lesson in motion. I was gifted such a great amount of awareness while going through my journey with Leukemia and I am thankful that it was done in a more solitary and protected space. When we got word that we would be moving to Southern Wisconsin I felt something in my belly that would plant a seed of excitement. My heart wondered how could this be, while my mind was thinking a fresh start…but I didn’t a new start, I just needed to allow and trust like I had the two years prior. How quickly we forget!
Tad and I moved 30 mins from our other home, our other life, in Grayslake, IL. So it seemed easy to expect that life would be as it was before….
Slowly I would learn this was not the case. Even though I had just learned so many lessons in love, truth, kindness, compassion, it was living those truths that would be the greatest challenge. I have never felt so pushed around and while it was happening, I didn’t even have words…it almost felt cruel. However, what I did have in Southern Wisconsin were the friends who have always loved me when I was weak and confused and when I was strong with love. They know who they are, but it was their love that held me in a sacred space, so that I could see again.
It has been the weeks that have followed that I have felt a peace that I have never felt in life. An awareness to the things that I wrote about and now I am applying. It may be one thing to have the knowledge, but altogether different to apply that knowledge…this alone is a beautiful lesson: I live with kindness and truth. Unfortunately it is this truth that brings out insecurity in others even if you are not aware of it.
Our ego is in the business of creating stories to make you right, keep you separate from the divine within your soul. Even with awareness we can create a story or we can be involved in the story of another and not even know it. The only awareness that creates freedom is when you honestly can say to yourself “I know I acted in truth”, “I can not be a part of any story, not even my own!”
So with this being said a friend of mine lovingly put me on 90 days probation. Of course this was a joke, but after she left it was really the first time that I knew I had to release any insecurities, getting my priorities inline: God, Love, family and true friendships. In my heart I knew I could no longer get caught up in the story, it was not serving anyone, so just thinking of this “probation” made me smile and give myself permission to just be.

“Every caterpillar has to rest to become a butterfly and you’ll soon find your wings again, in the meantime, let angels wrap you in theirs” – A. Taylor

“Being honest might not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones” – J. Lennon

Question: How do we set free our story?
Identify if you are coming from right or wrong, victim, or perpetrator. Identify if you are trying to separate yourself, putting yourself higher, more evolved. If so then you need to have compassion to see it from the other shoes, then set it free…it isn’t yours to figure out, it isn’t yours to fix. You must have the understanding that we are all doing the best we can, acting with love, patience, tolerance, and care. We are all on the same path together, when you feel pushed around it does feel uncomfortable and it is tough to have uncomfortable conversations. However, it is that courage to speak honestly that will take the story down and behind it is an answer of connectedness. Be grateful when you feel pushed around,because there is an answer, a piece of the puzzle behind your story. The greatest lesson of all is that there is no story.

Let your story reside in the imagination of creation not to fulfill the story of your ego!

Many blessings,

Holly Peckskamp

One comment

  1. This is beautiful!!   Thanks for sharing…………..  this past summer has just flown by —-  am now in Vegas and expect to get back home in a week or so.  Am helping my son and his better half move up to Eureka, NV.  Steve got a job with the state of NV.  He’s pretty jazzed!  Anyway, am eager to get back to my home! Wish we had had the time to get together but didn’t seem to work out this year.  Will plan better for next spring/summer. Much love to you!!!! Carole

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