It took me a year of my life founded by the four corners of my home to realize that we have to redefine most if not all of what our culture defines for us. Even at an early age parents and family members are trying to instill in their children by writing on their what I call “SOUL WALL” to imprint ideals of success and happiness.
In 2011 I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. I will never know the how, so I moved to the why. I am not sure if I will ever fully grasp the why either, but in the weeks to follow I made some God guided decisions. As a yoga teacher meditation, slowing down, being unplugged were things that I already acclaimed. However, in the face of my physical death I was given so many gifts.
First, I was guided to change what scared me so the journey would be easier and I would be open to learn the lessons that I needed to learn. I would change the word CANCER to LOVEOLUTION. A simple change that may have furred some brows, but none the less I knew in my heart that the word CANCER could not be a part of my journey. We do get to decide what we will and won’t except as God gives us the freewill to create our reality. In the words of Eckhart Tolle, “Life is the dancer and we are the dance”. So with this wisdom I would allow.
Going into the second week with such a crazy life challenge, I was still shaking my head. Sleep wasn’t an option and I was going in and out of being angry…at God, myself, everything (THE OM). I felt like at first I was being punished, the why me? It would be in a meditation at 3 in the morning that I would discover the truth of Love. Not the love that we share for a lover, partner, child, but unconditional love that has no boundaries. It was only for one moment that I believe God shared a glimpse of what Love and Life could really be. It was then that I decided I was going to Love my way through this journey leaving the war or fight behind me.
As I have shared my journey in my book “Always A Loveolution”, I thought that for sure the book was the reason…the why. However, throughout my experience I would realize that the real journey was to surrender. Let God do the work as I take the path of the Lazy River. This doesn’t mean I am or was lazy in life. It means I redefined all that was culturally surrounded me and took down my soul wall.
During this journey I began to write so I could embrace my own therapy, and somewhere along the way it turned into a story. In some moments I felt like I was asked to write the book, that it was going to become so helpful to many. I sat with the notion that if it didn’t become a best seller that I wasn’t successful. These ideas imprinted upon me really led up to today, a day that we give thanks to so many in memory, that I have realized that I needed to surrender to any ideas and ALLOW God into my heart full-time, all while I ALLOWed the journey to redefine my ideas of success, happiness, and all the labels that I hold on this journey. (How is that for a run on sentence) While I was facing so many challenges in the printing of the book I asked why did I put so much effort into something that maybe was never meant to be. I felt a fleeting moment of the anger that I felt at the beginning of my journey. Usually, it is the emotion of a memory that propels us forward, and I knew I was not going back to being angry.
I am a wife, a mother, an author, a yoga teacher, a healer and I should be proud of all these achievements as they came from God. And I am, However, they are achievements and not labels. They have been life achievements that have given me the lessons to evolve my soul to really understand life’s biggest questions…why am I here? What is my life purpose? What do I choose to struggle sometimes?
I leaned on these questions, to realize that I don’t have to struggle. That Love evolves along with your soul and although I had only a short glimpse of the unconditional love that equals enlightenment, this is truly the goal to my journey here on earth. This post is not to share what my beliefs are on death, because it is simple our soul can’t die. This idea has already been shared by the hundreds of thousands who have been “THERE”, the afterlife, heaven, whatever you want to call it. Our journey here is to remember what is the soul?
I believe the soul is love, the soul is God, and yes it is that simple. Does that one line make it into every moment of my personal journey, answer: no. But I have been blessed with many of the tools to continue to peel back the layers to make it into every moment. While I was going through the “LOVEOLUTION” I was blessed with so many signs. Many that I have documented in photos, not so others will believe, but so I will remember. I already feel like the journey was a dream. When I took down the walls to my soul and redefined success and happiness, the why am I here, I came to realize that the book was meant for me. Do I think that it can help so many YES because it came from God I was just typing the keys. The pictures (my favorite an angel appearing in a cloudless sky, which I don’t even remember taking pictures of) has ALLOWED me to go back and feel the emotion like it is happening in the now….and maybe it is….a question too deep for me today.
What I do know is that loving my way through a journey was a different path. One way not being better than another, no right or wrong just different. I created the boat, while God was the river. So why would I go back to all these cultural ideals of success after I broke them down. Well I came back to “the scene” Chicagoland. It was a chance to continue where I left off while allowing my new evolution to be…..
There have been uncomfortable days, almost feeling like I don’t fit into my skin. However, this is what the real lesson is. It doesn’t matter what others think of me or my success. It doesn’t matter if the book ever becomes a best seller or lands in the hands of hundreds to make an impact…God will decide that journey. What matters is that I share my soul evolution and the tools God gifted me in moments to continue to evolve redefining all the ideals and labels that once was what I thought my signature.
The foundation of my soul today is:
1. love and acceptance in true fashion. I have to remind myself of this everyday!
2. Love IN courage. I believe it takes courage to truly love, striving for boundary-less love. Ask yourself the question do you love a stranger like your child? For me I am not there, but I will never forget what the moment felt like in my meditation. God took my hand into a light a for what seemed like a long time (only being several minutes in the physical world), to feel this freedom of love that I can’t even explain. It doesn’t come close to a thousand orgasms….of love 🙂
3. Forgiveness – going beyond the definition and surrendering it to God. If I hold the grudge or judgement then I really haven’t forgiven.
4. Understanding means listening with compassion to all views, having an open heart, lifted up, kindness.
5. Giving redefining what we believe giving is….that we do for someone else. Start with giving to yourself, so you understand that there is a difference between selflessness and selfishness. Then give to others, but only if it fills your heart not your ego.
What is your soul’s foundation today?