Yesterday was a day filled with so many emotions and embodied one word “faith”. There are so many things that we have to face daily in life that become faith stealers. Things with our children, work stress, money; they all pile up and can create the perfect storm. However, I have learned it is all in your reaction, how you embrace the challenge. We are all human and it takes practice to master the art of reaction. Just like any professional team it takes continuous lessons and practice to really slow yourself before we feel we can’t handle anymore….but we can.
On Sunday I was told by several people who read my book that there were a lot of grammatical errors. I was shocked because Tad and I had to pay outside our contract to get a professional grammatical edit. There should have been no worries about this part of the book. The process of editing goes far beyond what I ever thought, but one thing is for sure I am not strong with grammar. However, as I read over the suggested errors I was shocked. It wasn’t just a few prepositions, it was misspellings, tense changes, you name it was there. I felt so defeated as I just ordered 700 books. I called Balboa, a division of Hay House and asked with love, how we would fix this. Currently they are working on it….
I also had my yearly trip to Dana Farber for my overall blood test. This always seems to fall on a Monday morning, so the weekend is filled with a great deal of emotional thinking. The what if in life, will it always feel like this? As I felt sadness about my hard work with the published book loaded with errors, I also had to deal with the fear that accompanies a simple blood test. That night I prayed as I do every night and I asked God, my higher self, to restore my faith in all. To help remind me what great faith feels like. I immediately felt a calm come over my body and I slept solid for the first time in weeks.
The next morning I got up at 4 to drive to Dana Farber, and as I waited in the lab I remembered my prayer, rubbed my angel, and trusted that all was well. I knew in my heart that the errors in the book would be fixed, but I still felt so said as if it was ruined. A friend held my heart and reminded me that the important thing is the message. It was just what I needed to remember.
I went up to Dr Soiffers office and he walked in with his big bright smile. I thought ahhhhh he looked at my blood work. However, he did not he just has great faith and he was right my blood work was amazing. He must have extreme faith in order to do the work he does everyday. I felt ashamed for a moment that I was so worried about a few misspelled words, and then was the moment. The moment that doesn’t happen often, but it is simply the reminder; the sign that drives our faith. Dr. Soiffer asked me for a favor and without hesitation I said yes. He asked if I would talk to the patient next door. She is 35 and just diagnosed with A.L.L. two months ago. Her transplant is in 2 weeks and her brother is her match. I was quick to say I would do anything to help another through this. However, as I walked into the room it was a fresh reminder that this is still a fresh wound.
As Dr. Soiffer introduced me to her and her husband I felt like I was looking in a mirror that transported me back 2 and a half years. I was greeted by a lanky girl with beautiful green eyes. She sported the same hat I wore when I lost my hair and her husband had the same puffy eyes that was a common for Tad. It is a difficult life challenge. I remembered quickly the fear that started my journey with A.L.L. The reason it is so difficult is not only because it is life threatening, but also because it happens so fast. Those diagnosed with A.L.L can die within weeks unless put into remission. Then the transplant become another challenge.
I listened to her story and shared a few things about my experience. I was holding my newly published book in my hand because I had the copy for Dr. Soiffer. I told her that every experience shapes us, evolving our soul. She too would be a different person after this experience, but that doesn’t take away the fear that takes hold of you. She asked questions and I shared a few final words of inspiration. As I said my goodbye she asked if I would send her a copy of my book, it was in that moment I remembered Colleen telling me “it is about the message” ,I felt my eyes fill with tears and I gave her another hug. This young girl was facing a challenge that requires faith, the same faith I held as I went through my journey. It was surreal, but I felt the gift….I was the vessel that would give her the strength that day.
Each of us can be that person for anyone, and someone will be that person for us. So take faith and let it be a constant in your life, even when you are not looking.
Tonight, I was walking in the loft in my parents house and looked onto the floor. There I saw it. It was the butterfly wing that I had lost months ago when I was taking a picture of it for my book. It was the proof of my many signs that I was blessed with while I healed from the transplant. I couldn’t believe it. I looked for hours and just asked God to give it back to me when I needed it. Another sign to trust our journey! Please pray for this beautiful couple as they face their journey.
Love and light!
She looked up at me with her brilliant eyes and offered me her hand; I wrapped my arm around her like she was a sister of the soul. She needed a hug and she thanked me for taking