surviving survivorship

Holly Wall Climbing                                Surviving Survivorship  

These words could not ring any louder as I move further past a moment in time that took my life on the greatest excursion without a hint of warning.  June is survivorship month and being at Dana Farber has taken on a whole new life, with much celebrating.  I am almost expecting a parade at a place that is usually filled with much challenge and stress.  People buzz around here not stopping a moment to look past their iphone as no one wants to be here a minute longer than needed.  Therefore, most people pretend they don’t see each other, because if they did it may confirm their worst fears.  However, there is the rare occasion where you or someone takes the opportunity to reach out to another and love is shared.  Courage is shared and wisdom that guides the very journey you step each day is open to the unexpected.

As I sit here today, in the Blum resource room, I realize that years ago many did not have all the external support services cheering them on to know they are healed.  They did not have resources to help those who didn’t know where to turn, except to suffer alone with fear.  When I walk through the hallways and see a young person or anyone for that matter, wearing a mask and gloves, I know that they are going through a tough time.  It takes me back to my personal journey and I speak with my eyes to will them the truth of health.  I shine my reflection on them so they know they are well and that they can shed their dis-ease.  As I see their reflection of hope and health, I wonder what their journey is like.  What they are learning?  What gift are they opening?

I have never utilized the support center and today I sit in amazement at how many things they have to help family members, loved ones, and patients.  The smiling face that greeted me was an immediate escape to heaven.  It was as if I had been transported from hospital to Loveolution Land!  The energy a fresh breath of air, the support streaming through like a wave in the omnipresent ocean, I smiled softly.

One book that I immediately honed in on was “surviving survivorship.”  I still feel, visceral, the emotions that take me back to Oct. 6th.  I can cry with the remembrance of just one single phone call and how so many things changed in my life.  What a gift I was given, but at the time seemed like death knocking on my door.

Today, as I feel stronger with each breath, I am ready to share the wisdom that others shared with me.  The wisdom that grew with each passing day, the hearts that helped me heal, the love that engulfed me, I am ready to move forward.  Knowing exactly how to move forward with all the emotions that sat aside while I focused on one thing is now a new challenge.

I embrace each day with a new outlook, there is no way I couldn’t and this alone is a gift.  So I have been blessed with life and the wisdom that I may have spent a lifetime trying to evolve.  As I have shared my journey through this blog and now have written a book called “Always a Loveolution” I continue to reflect on how to move forward, sharing an amazing experience without reliving it everyday.

I have learned to live, forgive, and love I have moved past being a survivor. Living as a survivor is living each day with one foot in the past.  Many will feel this to be controversial because overcoming such a life challenge should award you the acknowledgment for life.  However, I personally struggled in the space of “Survivorship”.  We all are survivors each day we live, all-embracing our own personal struggles.  Although some are more challenging than others, it is clear to me that the wisdom that comes with such struggle is what creates our growth.

As much as I acknowledge those who have gone through the deepest experiences, looking the ideal of death and truth square in the eye, I now believe that surviving is a phase we need to move past.  In the dictionary surviving is defined as enduring or living through adversity.  It also stated surviving as remaining healthy, happy, and/or unaffected in spite of an occurrence.  This occurrence could be a life threatening illness, divorce, loss, financial distress.  So in moving beyond just surviving means taking the next step and embracing the experience; all the emotions and wisdom, moving forward with your new beautiful life.  This may contain a period of discovering your new normal in life because so much may have shifted during the challenge.  However, these new changes, this new normal, is what surrenders us to evolve (even if we don’t want to sometimes).

I look at my parent’s new neighbor who was diagnosed with A.L.L. some thirty years ago, only to be told he had a 5% chance to live.  Is he a survivor or an inspiration?  He is my hero because he willed himself past what others thought and embraced his truth of life.  He now is an older man, with a jolly laugh that thoroughly lives life.

To all those who have survived an “occurrence” , may your new wisdom carry your face to the wind, while your feet will always remember life’s most challenging experiences.

Update:   I am reviewing and having others review Always a Loveolution, which will be submitted in July.  It is an amazing story and I still am surprised by the writing after receiving a D in English Composition.  This writing has been a blessing, which has allowed me to release and share my journey.  Thank you all for your love and support.
I am starting  a new blog which will be posted each Sunday night as I write through the week, while I continue to review my book for submission.

I am healed, I am well, I am reflecting God’s truth.  Loving myself was the first step, breaking down my wall was the second, and seeing through my ego to my soul was the third.  I look forward to sharing my journey with you all.  Thank you for holding me in your prayers and light!



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