Month: June 2013

L.O.V.E= Lose Overall View and Embrace.

Total love

Today when I woke up I realized that it was the day of the “ruling”, the ruling that has brought much angst among a community that just wants to celebrate love.  As I watched the news for the first time, maybe in months, I didn’t have any judgement about the opinions that gathered.  However, I found it difficult to see all the hurt and anger when the answer is simple LOVE.

God is love…love is God.  Love sometimes can be  a challenge enough, especially when it involves forgiveness, so do we need to put any additional boundaries on it.  I thought it may be a waste of energy and as we all have to come to our own conclusion, we should respect the very essence of LOVE and each path that is taken to get there.

Love by definition has a few specific interpretations, but the one that was basic and to the point goes as follows:

Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, this is without any boundaries.  So I thought about what love is to me.  Love is unending, and has more kisses and hugs than anyone can foresee.  It is about acceptance, understanding, joy, and most importantly healing.  So by this very essence if we just simply allow, then all roads will lead to LOVE.  If we lose our overall view or position, if we embrace understanding, we can all move so much further forward to accept ourselves in each other.  Instead, it seems that there is such high expectations, that there is such a ruling of right or wrong, which blocks our ability to love purely.

I love!  I love my friends that love.  They simply want to love the path that brings them the most joy.  So to my friends that have chosen a different path which leads to love, I hope and pray that we can evolve to seeing each others path as a path of learning and compassion.  That the many boundaries that have been created will fall like many blockages as history has shown.   No longer spending time defending an expression.

JUST LOVE!  It is simple!

 

 

 

 

 

This Friend of Mine!

It is so hard to always understand why things happen, what the meaning may be, and we find that sometimes there is just no answer.  We always do the best we can to keep learning, keep loving, and keep forgiving!  We open our hearts in love and relearn to live.  However, sometimes in our deepest suffering, our deepest confusion, our deepest sadness we must adapt to fearless faith.  We must believe that God has a plan much bigger then we will ever know or even begin to understand.

Yesterday God called one of his children home and this child was a “Friend of Mine”.  She was a childhood friend that brought so many amazing memories.  She was there for me I was there for her, it was a blessing and gift.  Her short life has broken my heart and all I have to believe is faith.  That she did what she was supposed to do and fulfilled her journey here, however, that doesn’t mean that her transition home is any less difficult.  This is because selfishly I want her here.  I love her.  She will always be in my heart.

I asked her for a sign and felt bleak as the hours passed without any type of sign.  Then it came immediately like she was whispering it in my ear, “A friend of Mine.”  She read a poem as she stood beside me and watched me marry a man who played an important part in my life, but is no longer my husband.  She stood beside me in the beginning and in the end.  I asked where is that poem?  I quickly searched old files on the computer with no luck, than remembered I had tucked it away in an old file cabinet with a few other cherished memories.  There it was!  As I read it out-loud I felt tears roll down my cheeks.  It was a lasting message about our friendship.  No matter what twist or turn, no matter when we were closer in times then other times, this was the message:

Wedding Toast:

I have a friend

I have known her forever

We have grown up apart, but yet so close in our hearts

She is never far from me-this friend of mine.

We have giggled and joked and we’ve laughed till we cried

She is hilarious-this friend of mine

We have spoken for hours about nothing-and have spoken volumes in just one glance

She knows me well-this friend of mine

We have stayed up late to gossip and have eaten more cookie dough than can ever be good

We have been little girls together-this friend of mine

We have sneaked out, stayed up, danced till dawn, gotten crazy

She is my partner in crime-this friend of mine

She has made me laugh when I wanted to cry and has uplifted me with her loyalty, her kindness, her love

She is my best friend-this friend of mine

I have watched her succeed in everything she has ever done-I have seen her conquer hard times

She is a winner-this friend of mine

I have seen her fall in love – I have seen her face full of joy

She is a romantic-this friend of mine

Robin, this poem is a reflection of my heart to yours.  Your beautiful smile and giving heart will forever be…. Thank you.

It is never goodbye, it is until we meet again!  I LOVE YOU!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Body as a Temple

Trusting in the voice of God, knowing internally that the source is what connects us all is part of our evolution.

“The body is the temple of God; in every body, God is installed whether the owner of the body recognizes it or not.  It is

God that inspired you to do good acts, that warns you against the bad.  Listen to that voice, and you will not have suffering.”

– Sathya Sai Baba, Indian Spiritual Teacher

One of the most difficult challenges in life is softening the ego, peeling back one layer at a time usually connected to one lesson at a time.  I have talked to many Kundilini yoga practitioners who have experienced the sensation of enlightenment (without ego/connected only to God) for just a moment and they all said the same thing: It is like sensory overload when you don’t do the work to get to this place till you are ready.

Meditation is one of the greatest tools to soften the ego by dulling your senses, so you can listen internally.  It takes time to recognize God’s voice vs. that of the ego, which is ALWAYS derived in fear.  Meditation is an amazing experience, which is oftentimes  misunderstood and usually fosters a fictitious or fantasy image of one in a meditative state.  This illusion has usually been the seed that causes fear for many who are unfamiliar with it.

There are various types of meditation, which just becomes a matter of connection.  Meditation can be as simple as closing your eyes in silence for 2 minutes, it can be the final pose in yoga where we lay in Savasana, a state of allowing, and it can be a group that is working together to raise each other’s collective consciousness.  As in life, there are many paths to get to the same result, so I always so trust whatever feels good to me.  I recommend sitting in silence for two minutes to everyone.   It is amazing how silence has become so foreign to us because we are so overstimulated; it can make 2 minutes of complete silence seem like 20.

There are many great tools that help soften the ego, including many books and course, one of which was written by Eckart Tolle called “A New Earth.”  It is a very deep book that parallels the ego, as each time you read it you understand and apply another piece to the puzzle.  Eckart Tolle has been an intricate part of awakening masses of people to the idea of even having an ego.  Being able to identify the voice in your head that causes great fear from the voice of guidance and light is a very important starting point.  Tolle gives a great deal of his time helping others without hoarding his knowledge to gain power.  It is so inspiring and hearing him speak offer another voice of reason, depicting the many facets of the mind.  He still teaches many courses and workshops, even offers a free online course called the “uncourse”, which is all about pealing layers away from the ego.  https://www.eckharttolle.com/uncourse/login/  I have not done it in full, but believe it to be a great resource.

When I think about how many times I have followed the voice of the ego/I “maker”, it further awakens my soul to quiet external experiences so that I can strengthen the path to my inner voice.  Over time the path becomes very easy to walk through, each time routing down further in its direction.

Everyone has to find their way to such a path, a way that offers freedom while almost fooling the ego at first.  I know that my journey started many  years ago when I stepped into the path of yoga, but this is not the path for everyone and we all move at our own pace when we are ready.  It is a beautiful thing when you get to share with others the knowledge that was passed down to you encased in nothing but love.  I refer to it as the “love window”.  This is just knowing when it is appropriate to share wisdom as it was shared to you.

As I was writing this article I looked up something and was accidentally (or maybe purposefully) directed to a website I have never seen.  The homepage hosted an article that was a perfect guide to my blog yesterday and addendum to the idea of softening the ego.  Please take the time to look at the 20 mini lessons as they are true and amazing!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/20-ways-to-give-without-expectations/

Many Blessings:  HP

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

 

20 Ways to give without expectations:

 1.  Give money you can spare to someone who needs it and then pretend you never had it.

2. Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.

3. Let someone vent, even if you can’t offer a solution, just to be an ear—without considering how well they listened to you last week.

4. Help someone who is struggling with difficult feelings by admitting you’ve felt the same thing—without considering whether they’d be as open with you.

5. Ask, “What can I do to help you today?” Then let it go after following through.

6. Tell someone how you feel about them, even if it makes you feel vulnerable, just to let them know they’re loved and not alone.

7. Apologize when you’ve acted selfishly, even if you don’t like feeling wrong, because it will remind the other person they deserve to be treated with respect.

8. Let someone else educate you, even if you’re tempted to stay closed-minded, because you value their knowledge and appreciate their willingness to share it.

9. Forgive someone who wronged you because you have compassion for them, not because you know they’ll owe you.

10. Hold someone’s hand when they feel vulnerable to let them know you haven’t judged them.

11. Give your full attention to the person in front of you when you’re tempted to let your thoughts wander just to show them their words are valuable.

12. Assume the best when you’re tempted to suspect someone for no valid reason—even if they haven’t always given you the benefit of the doubt.

13. Accompany someone to an appointment or drive them to an interview when they need support just to help them feel strong.

14. Change your plans for someone you love if yours weren’t too important without questioning whether they’d do the same for you.

15. Teach someone how to do something without taking a superior position because they’ve likely taught you many things, whether they were obvious or not.

16. Leave a thoughtful comment on someone’s blog, not to build your readership but rather to show them how they affected you.

17. Tell someone you believe in their potential, even if they haven’t always shown you the same support.

18. Say no when it would make you feel good to say yes, because sometimes being kind means pushing someone to step up and try harder.

19. Tell someone you know they meant well instead of using their mistake as an opportunity to manipulate their guilt.

20. I’ve left this one open for you to write. How do you give just to show you care?

Small Blessings Illuminated

Today was a sacred day as I gave my survivor / courage coin to another who needed it.  This coin marked a strong staple in my healing as it reminded me, during the many challenging times, of the love and kindness that comes with small blessings.  It was sent to me when I was in the beginning of treatment by a women who I did not know and have never met.  She heard my story through a friend of a friend and wanted to share her gift.  The  coin has now been passed to the 7th person who needed the courage to know they can heal, moving past survivorship;  The courage to live beyond the thoughts of fear and move right into the ideal of love.  The woman who gifted the coin to me will never really know how much her kindness touched me, but I have a feeling she wasn’t looking for anything in return, just setting the intention to move it forward for love.

When I woke up this morning the first thought on my mind was passing along the coin to my friend.  It was as if someone was telling me this coin needed to be her new home while she traveled through her journey.  I was excited and ready to move it forward as I had a couple of weeks filled with all kinds of small blessings and observations, truly understanding how far a very simple gesture takes the most surprising recipient.

It started almost two weeks ago as I questioned strongly the level that humanity was teetering.  I was observing behaviors that left me lost in thought, wondering if people really are as disconnected as it seemed.  People only caring about their own life, “looking out for number one” I think the saying goes.

It went from a woman at the grocery store trying to juggle her three kids that were clearly done with their rainy day adventure.  As onlookers passed by I could feel the judgment fill the air, the stares and dirty looks…to the record-breaking number of doors that closed in my face because the person in front didn’t care enough or was too busy to hold the door.  I was just observing and wondering, I have been in a sort of lock down, so now that I am in full swing, I am just observing with what feels like a new set of eyes.

As I took note of these simple yet disconnected events, I then began to think about why we are disconnected? Is it because we are always thinking really about ourselves or are we attracting that type of energy toward us?  I am sure there are many opinions as the idea of humanity can’t be summed up in one sentence, but I was simply just observing.  It was in that moment that I thought about how many people live within their own layers.  There are many examples of this behavior, but I think the greatest example falls upon those that keep track.  Those that take an act of kindness on their part and wait till it returns before they offer another, missing one of the most important life lessons in giving.

That night I prayed!  Prayer is an amazing thing that can make many very uncomfortable in discussion.  However, prayer has many forums and that night I asked God to surround me only with true relationships as I realized a lot from my weeks of observation.  I surrendered to the many times that I gave because I wanted to pat my ego, the times I didn’t listen because I wanted to share my experience, and I prayed.  I looked deep into my soul and was so grateful for the many great relationships I have in my life today.

Going through this journey I have pealed a lot of layers off of my life, this includes relationships that were not balanced.  The more I am honest with myself I am blessed with observing all the greatness that is in my life.  I have stop forcing relationships that do not need to be and this is out of love.  From the moment this intention is set, it melts out into the world like a wave, not really knowing exactly who it touches.

Much like a see-saw, this past week I have observed so much kindness that I was almost in disbelief.  At the grocery store with just 1 child who was ready to be done with the “shopping experience”, I realized that I picked out avocados that were cracked. The woman standing in front of me happened to notice and told me to run with my son to get 2 more.  She not only held my spot, but when I got back to the line she had unpacked my whole grocery cart.  It immediately shifted the once felt frenzy, to simple love.  The day after as I ran my errands every door was held for me and one nice man even complimented my now very curly hair that I sometimes creates a feeling of insecurity.  It was so kind and I accepted his compliment with an open heart!  Small blessings, small gestures and acts of kindness kept pouring into my life, which made me feel a connection bound in simple love.

It was not these past observations that moved me to send the coin forward, however, it was these acts that reminded me how special a gift it really is.  Through intention and intent we can shift an outlook, a bad day, a bad year to love.  So as I once thought that humanity could not be described by just one sentence, I realized it can be described in one word: LOVE!

Many blessings

Do something nice today just because!                “O Lord, your power is greater than all powers.  Under your leadership we cannot fear anything.

It is you who has given us prophetic power, And has enabled us to foresee and interpret

everything.”          – Dinka Prayer (Sudan) of the African traditional religion.

 

 

 

 

“The only time to look down on someone is when you’re bending over to help.” -Amish Proverb

Last night I came across this Proverb and it really spoke loudly to me as I was preparing to make my way to Dana Farber today for a full panel of tests.  This is always a difficult day filled with fear that dissipates into trust.  Through much trust and listening to the wisdom that has been passed along this proverb really melted my heart into a million pieces.  I felt that these words didn’t need anything to precede them as they speak right to the soul of the reader.

It is wisdom like this that makes a day like today bearable.  Today was such a huge relief as I heard Dr. Soiffer ring out beautiful words of health!  All my blood work looked amazing and I am great, he even said Tad looked great….just a good day.  I didn’t sleep last night and felt my heart beat out of my chest when I got to Dana Farber, but then it all just melted away in minutes.

While Tad and I were waiting for the doctor to come to the room, I felt a moment where I was lost.  A moment that took me through a flashback of fears and dashed dreams.  The “what if”, that I work so hard to embrace and trust took right over.  Thankfully Tad reeled me in and told me I was fine.  How did he know 🙂

However, while we were talking and I was backing away from the ledge, I looked into my large pocketbook to get something to distract me till the doctor got there.  This am at the early hour of 4:30 I grabbed a couple of magazines off the table and stuffed them in my purse.  Out the door we went as my dad gave me the good luck smile.  It was a catalog called Sunset, which I have never heard of or seen so where it came from is your best guess.  I started combing through each page, looking at the jewelry and as my mind continued in a furry of fear I turned the next page..  Tad just happened to look up as we both laid our eyes on the angel coin that has literally followed me, blessing me through this journey.  Today was no different.

I have given the coin away only for it to be given back to me by another.  I have lost it, to find it deep in my pillowcase.  I have prayed with it, set intentions and buried it, to now see it in a magazine right when I needed the boost.  Trusting these signs has been the door that has given me a great deal of peace.  This peace has allowed me the space to truly learn the wisdom and lessons that comes from walking a path like this.

Walking down the hall after my appointment I felt like I could fly and I was so grateful.  However, in this environment you see those who are in an earlier phase of the journey and you just want to offer hugs.  Although you can’t hug a transplant patient, you can air hug which can be a little awkward so I just offer a loving smile that speaks a thousand words. It matters.  It makes a difference. It can change a day.  Whether you are leaving for deployment overseas, whether you are a transplant patient, or whether you are just crashing down we all need just the gesture that we are not being stared at or judged, but loved.

MOVE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE AND SPREAD LOVE TO SOMEONE YOU DON”T KNOW!

 

Many blessings,

Holly

Thank you for all your love and continued support.

 

 

 

surviving survivorship

Holly Wall Climbing                                Surviving Survivorship  

These words could not ring any louder as I move further past a moment in time that took my life on the greatest excursion without a hint of warning.  June is survivorship month and being at Dana Farber has taken on a whole new life, with much celebrating.  I am almost expecting a parade at a place that is usually filled with much challenge and stress.  People buzz around here not stopping a moment to look past their iphone as no one wants to be here a minute longer than needed.  Therefore, most people pretend they don’t see each other, because if they did it may confirm their worst fears.  However, there is the rare occasion where you or someone takes the opportunity to reach out to another and love is shared.  Courage is shared and wisdom that guides the very journey you step each day is open to the unexpected.

As I sit here today, in the Blum resource room, I realize that years ago many did not have all the external support services cheering them on to know they are healed.  They did not have resources to help those who didn’t know where to turn, except to suffer alone with fear.  When I walk through the hallways and see a young person or anyone for that matter, wearing a mask and gloves, I know that they are going through a tough time.  It takes me back to my personal journey and I speak with my eyes to will them the truth of health.  I shine my reflection on them so they know they are well and that they can shed their dis-ease.  As I see their reflection of hope and health, I wonder what their journey is like.  What they are learning?  What gift are they opening?

I have never utilized the support center and today I sit in amazement at how many things they have to help family members, loved ones, and patients.  The smiling face that greeted me was an immediate escape to heaven.  It was as if I had been transported from hospital to Loveolution Land!  The energy a fresh breath of air, the support streaming through like a wave in the omnipresent ocean, I smiled softly.

One book that I immediately honed in on was “surviving survivorship.”  I still feel, visceral, the emotions that take me back to Oct. 6th.  I can cry with the remembrance of just one single phone call and how so many things changed in my life.  What a gift I was given, but at the time seemed like death knocking on my door.

Today, as I feel stronger with each breath, I am ready to share the wisdom that others shared with me.  The wisdom that grew with each passing day, the hearts that helped me heal, the love that engulfed me, I am ready to move forward.  Knowing exactly how to move forward with all the emotions that sat aside while I focused on one thing is now a new challenge.

I embrace each day with a new outlook, there is no way I couldn’t and this alone is a gift.  So I have been blessed with life and the wisdom that I may have spent a lifetime trying to evolve.  As I have shared my journey through this blog and now have written a book called “Always a Loveolution” I continue to reflect on how to move forward, sharing an amazing experience without reliving it everyday.

I have learned to live, forgive, and love I have moved past being a survivor. Living as a survivor is living each day with one foot in the past.  Many will feel this to be controversial because overcoming such a life challenge should award you the acknowledgment for life.  However, I personally struggled in the space of “Survivorship”.  We all are survivors each day we live, all-embracing our own personal struggles.  Although some are more challenging than others, it is clear to me that the wisdom that comes with such struggle is what creates our growth.

As much as I acknowledge those who have gone through the deepest experiences, looking the ideal of death and truth square in the eye, I now believe that surviving is a phase we need to move past.  In the dictionary surviving is defined as enduring or living through adversity.  It also stated surviving as remaining healthy, happy, and/or unaffected in spite of an occurrence.  This occurrence could be a life threatening illness, divorce, loss, financial distress.  So in moving beyond just surviving means taking the next step and embracing the experience; all the emotions and wisdom, moving forward with your new beautiful life.  This may contain a period of discovering your new normal in life because so much may have shifted during the challenge.  However, these new changes, this new normal, is what surrenders us to evolve (even if we don’t want to sometimes).

I look at my parent’s new neighbor who was diagnosed with A.L.L. some thirty years ago, only to be told he had a 5% chance to live.  Is he a survivor or an inspiration?  He is my hero because he willed himself past what others thought and embraced his truth of life.  He now is an older man, with a jolly laugh that thoroughly lives life.

To all those who have survived an “occurrence” , may your new wisdom carry your face to the wind, while your feet will always remember life’s most challenging experiences.

Update:   I am reviewing and having others review Always a Loveolution, which will be submitted in July.  It is an amazing story and I still am surprised by the writing after receiving a D in English Composition.  This writing has been a blessing, which has allowed me to release and share my journey.  Thank you all for your love and support.
I am starting  a new blog which will be posted each Sunday night as I write through the week, while I continue to review my book for submission.

I am healed, I am well, I am reflecting God’s truth.  Loving myself was the first step, breaking down my wall was the second, and seeing through my ego to my soul was the third.  I look forward to sharing my journey with you all.  Thank you for holding me in your prayers and light!

 

Holly