Month: December 2012

Let your love flow

How can you follow the course of your life if you do not let it flow?          LAO-TZU

This morning Sawyer and I were looking out into the front yard, watching the rain and wind dance together in perfect harmony.  It is a beautiful day, and watching the rain clean and clear away all that is no longer serving the landscape is such an amazing process.  A cleansing process that is trusted and true, making way for new growth, new starts, and new life.  Similarly, like a seed opens in the dark and trusts its true process to rise toward the sun, we also have that innate guidance and wisdom.  The question becomes do we choose to use it.

We all have our beliefs, spiritual, philosophical, and religious and we can all learn a great deal from each other.  We can do this without compromising our belief system, but at the same time kindly, respecting another’s and maybe even shifting slightly ourself.  This makes the journey to connectedness filled with love and kindness a much easier process.

Each day presents another opportunity of awakening and awareness.  A chance for one’s compassion and understanding, which takes us to the beginning breath of our truth.   A place where decisions become easy, as they feel they have already been made to serve you.  A divine place that is filled with kindness and love, instead of confusion and furry.

During treatment I had so many experiences that softened my heart and soul.   I realized that it is so important to slow down and listen to the flow that our higher power shares within each and every one of us.  As we evolve, it is as if we are peeling back layers to meet our inner soul, the truth that guides us through “the best of times and the worst of times.”  However, it is usually experiences when we see wisdom residing inherently  within  hardship that we have the most growth.  We learn to listen to the inner guidance and choose to stop suffering on so many levels, applying forgiveness, love, and understanding as just a few options.  Once you peel back a layer, it is important to set it free as there is no guilt just a new understanding of who you are.  If you are a person who holds on to “everything” then let some things go that you don’t need because the memory will always be there, but it may no longer be who you are today.  Allow yourself to move forward and embrace freedom.

Listening to this inner voice connects us to love on a whole new level.  As an energy, as a thought, as a concept, and the list goes on and on.  Love is the bottom line.  It teaches us how to continually trust and live life without attachment.  During such a special time of year we give not because it is an expectation, but because it is of love.  We give because we want to bring joy to others, not because we want recognition.  Our inner truth guides us to do for others without any recognition in the truest form.

In the past I have questioned true balance, would one get taken advantage and the answer is NO.  The universe will always prepare for divine balance and harmony if we allow and trust for it.  We do not need to control or have our hands in making things just.  We need to move along and trust that  if we let go all will be as it should.  This is a difficult concept because we spend a lifetime trying to make sure things are even, often time it seems that it is not.  However that is just to the human eye and right around the corner is the other balancing act making it whole.  We really need to practice listening and connecting to our intuition which helps us see this harmony.  At the same time emerging with new tools that will help in the process of peeling back layers to our soul as there are many;  Instead of judging and deciding what is the divine flow because we believe we must control it.

As I changed through my journey, I realized that the answers to many of my questions have been right in front of me for a long time.  However, it took a series of events to make me realize that I needed to flow while I created, practicing what many yogis call non-attachment.  “Letting go and let God.”  Trusting that everything is of free-will to go in the direction that is most beneficial for the overall landscape and for the greatest good of those that are connected to this landscape of life.

Just an example of an amazing tool, the idea of manifesting,which has been around for a very long time, is such an amazing gift.  Authors like Wayne Dyer, Katie Byron, The Secret, and Eckhart Tolle (just a few) that have played a role in teaching us how to bring manifestations into our lives.  Ideas such as moving beyond just believing and taking it to an emotional level, acting as if it has already happened, is a key to the success of manifesting.  The words you use to manifest and the words others use become a strong vibration which is set in motion.  This is where the process really begins, saying these words out loud.  Believing what you are saying them or saying them till you do, which leads to the real magic –   IMAGINE!  Imagine how those close to you will respond, how you feel when you celebrate.  These are the ways we bring it full circle.  As many before us have said it just isn’t the words, it is the emotion and imagination we put behind these words that begin the journey.

I believe that one of the most important aspects of manifesting, going past the emotional and imagination, is trust and faith.  Trusting that each and every idea is for the greatest good of you and those in your life.  If it is not for the greatest good then the motion stops.  Some take this as a sign that it doesn’t work for them, but in reality this is the universe helping you make a good decision (this is where listening, as difficult as it may be sometimes, is so important.)  Many times it happens that the same situation comes up again and again, a repeat for you to get a second chance to make the right choice.  This is an opportunity to ask yourself if the path you are on is turning too muddy as you realize you are walking upstream.

This can oftentimes be very difficult to identify and an important time to slow, breath, listen, and feel; combining facts, faith, emotion, love, and intuition.  Usually the answer becomes clear, if not then you are just not ready to know.

Think of how many things in your life right now could serve you if you kindly set  them free?  Just as an example, many focus on weight goals at this time of year.  For some, this is such a difficult goal and struggle which creates extreme levels of stress.  Should we be going the opposite direction?  So ask yourself some questions.  Is it torture to go to the gym?  Do I feel comfortable there?  If I had a partner would I feel better and more motivated?   Am I afraid to fail?  Is it time to move onto a different type of exercise, maybe it is time to let go and try Zumba 🙂 (just an idea)  So you can see that there are many, many option, so maybe it is time to look outside the box as a gift to yourself.  You don’t have to roll the way others think is the best way as this is just a suggestion…there are lots of ways and it is ok to take the path that looks a lot different no need to try to measure up.  Ask for guidance and you will be amazed what shows up for you.

Evolving is a gift, surrounded by a number of successful tools and we should acknowledge this as it is all together a new way of living.  The greatest of the blessings is that we continue to learn and apply free will.  We get to choose to listen and see what we may never have seen before or we get to cling to the landscape not wanting to let go.  It is a challenge  as clinging to what we know feels safe, and hearing intuition takes time, trust, and faith.  But before you know it another teacher has just divinely brought a new gift of learning so we may continue to grow and evolve.  Once you learn a truth, it can’t be “unlearned.”, we can only move forward or sideways. Take a leap of faith, shed a layer of you and enjoy your truth.

I hope you all enjoy this holiday season and the many gifts that are all around you.  Celebrating family and friends that are in your life, honoring their gifts.  Taking a moment to love a little more and judge a little less, a small step to letting go.

I hope you all have a very Happy New Year!!

Much love and light!

Holly P

The Best I Ever Had!

“So you stole my world.  Now I am just a phony. Remembering that girl.  Leaves me down and lonely.  Send it a letter. Make yourself feel better.  It’s not so bad, you’re only the best I have ever had.  It might take some time to patch me up inside. But I can’t take it, so I run away and hide.  I might find in time you were always right.  So you sailed away until a gray sky morning. Now I am here to stay, …could it be I am haunted!? It’s just not so bad.”

-Gary Allan

For those of you who know Tad and me well, you know how much we love Gary Allen.  He is a country rocker, who does what he wants and doesn’t care what anyone thinks.  His concerts are extremely intimate and amazing, as he pours his heart out and rocks all in one moment in time.  I have had many amazing nights with Gary.  One night I was pregnant with Sawyer, swaying and feeling sawyer moving like crazy.  Tad and I were so happy that Sawyer could hear him rock before he was born as it will be years before he can go to a concert.  Another memory is a night of a few too many beers with Elise and Tad.  Tad was the driver and he watched Elise and I dance to every note and swing into each other as we sang along from the front row.  It was so much fun….fun… it just isn’t a good enough of a word, but the next morning there were two mommies both with hang overs..LOL.  That was a first and last, but so worth the memory.  (Elise I love and miss you)

So above are the lyrics to the song “Best I ever had”, which Gary wrote after his wife took her life.  We don’t know why people do the things they do, but in trying to understand we must have empathy and know that everyone is doing their best.  Gary wrote in an intimate letter to his fans about his wife and family.  She apparently had vicious migraines and nothing alternative or allopathic helped.  It lead to a deep depression and then she took her life when he was just rooms away.  I can’t imagine going through something like that on either side.  So I just listen to his words, as music is meant to inspire us or guide us, that is what he has done.

It is is a difficult time to process something after it is over or when you are in the final stages.  The haunting fear that will never go away…the what if.   Unpacking Christmas ornaments, all I could think of was “what if” I wasn’t there.  Tad and Sawyer would have been opening ornaments from my childhood, from our wedding, first home….and how would they have felt.  So as I am processing how to shed this fear and tackle yet another hurdle to continue on a path of gratitude, I look to others who have done what I think the impossible.  Learning from Gary’s music and many others has given me direction when I have felt lost.

I chose these song lyrics to share because Tad is the best I have ever had.  He has been the most amazing husband anyone could ever ask.  He has held my hair when I puked….oops I mean rubbed my head bc I didn’t have hair  🙂    The night of the transfusion he held my hand and said” this is the beginning of our new life.  Just think how lucky you are that your brother saved your life.”  There will never be words for that, but it is a miracle and even though Shad and I are not super close, the love I have in my heart for him is beyond explanation.  I will never truly be able to explain the gratitude and gift which makes this Christmas so much more special this year.

Back to my best, my best husband, my best friend, my best lover, he never wavered.  The first night we got the news we cried together, but after that something shifted inside him, he just knew I was going to make it.  When I wavered and spent a night in a place of doubt, his smile and gentle touch made me believe too.  He shared hard words when I needed to hear them, and took significants amount of stress off my shoulders for all the hats he wore during this time.  A thank you will never be enough, but a lifetime of love may just crack the surface!  I LOVE YOU TAD!

Which leads us to the present, probably due to the holidays, there have been some difficult days.  I want my life back and I have realized that it will never be what it was….it is and will continue to be so much better.  This gift, the loveolution, has taught me to love myself.  Tad, my family and friends circled me to help me heal in so many ways.  Some were extremely unexpected and some were shocking.  People deal with illness in different ways and some just can’t handle it at all.  But I have learned that everyone does the best they can and that must be respected.  However, when you look back the perfect people, divinely supported all of us.

As I am learning to celebrate my health and bask in the gratitude of new life, I have to remember that I am also doing the best that I can after such a crazy year.  “it may take some time to patch me up inside.” because fear is something along with your ego that doesn’t want to go away.  So I have worked hard to find ways, many ways to let truth and spirit be a constant in my life.  I am a very different person now and I look forward to the many blessings that happen every day.  There is always validation to my healing and life.   As we were unpacking our ornaments and I shared I was having a tough time and working so hard to choke down tears.  I sat down for a moment to look at our work.  Sawyer’s ornaments were all in one section of the tree….front and center about 3 feet high.  I took a few breaths and looked down on the floor to see a penny sitting in the middle of the floor….when I am positive it was not there before.  I have a thing with pennies and feathers and for me they are a sign that life is beautiful.

Gary has a new single out called Every Storm (runs out of rain), Although the rain was magical, I have had moments when I have been pushed around too much.  This storm needs to move out to sea or up to the heavens, so it may return as Love and continued blessings that set me free.

Love to you all!

Holly P