Month: October 2012

Halloween History

Happy Halloween!!  

As we all prepare to head out tonight with our littles or stay home and hand out candy, there will be many celebrating a very old Halloween tradition that focuses on spiritual/physical release and growth.

Hundreds of years ago, every October 31 was a major celebration of ending the old things in our life (embracing a type of death) and opening up and manifesting a rebirth.

“The Witch’s New Year it is called.

Sunset on Samhain is the beginning of the Celtic New Year. The old year has passed, the harvest has been gathered, cattle and sheep have been brought in from the fields, and the leaves have fallen from the trees. The earth slowly begins to die around us.

This is a good time for us to look at wrapping up the old and preparing for the new in our lives. Think about the things you did in the last twelve months. Have you left anything unresolved? If so, now is the time to wrap it up. Once you’ve gotten all that unfinished stuff cleared away, and out of your life, then you can begin looking towards the next year. ”

Many of us focus on New Years Eve to be a night that we set goals and a suggestion of a new you.  However, this usually (quickly) turns into a, “I’ll get ’em next year or I’ll start at the beginning of next month, or for my daughter’s wedding, etc.

Samhain is still practiced today by many in a celebratory tradition that asks you magnify the past year of your life. (metaphorically a cycle of death and rebirth)  If this is your first time doing this you may have things from several years past, so don’t limit yourself to just this year.   This is not about setting a goal which is typically what many think.  This is about acknowledging in a very loving way the things that are no longer serve you, as you have changed due to the past years experience and journey.

We look upon this time as an opportunity to let go (death) of all things as simple your word choices to big events in your life that left a major impact and you are ready to clear it all up.  The most important thing to remember is that you do not need permission from another person to clear something from your life as long as it is done lovingly.  Often times there can be hurt that remains and those again are emotions that you take the time to ponder on then truly set it free.

A breathing technique I use often to visualize this release:

Make a list of the things in your life that you would like to let go or surrender.  Be honest and loving as you will either burn or throw away this list, so it is only for your eyes.

To begin, start with a breathing exercise:

Lay down on the floor or in bed and start with big belly breaths. You can place your palms on your belly so you can direct the breath, over time you will be able to direct the breath really well, it is exciting and amazing.   While you are drawing breath to your belly, press into your back so you can almost feel your back melting into the floor.  You will be amazed at how much breath you can actually bring into your body.  After several deep breaths, allow the breath to return to a more natural state of balance. (inhalation same as the exhalation)

At this time begin to imagine your breath coming into your body through your feet in a light color (or white), traveling all the way up your body nice and slowly.  Once it gets to your mouth allow the exhale to be peaceful, but the color is gray or black depending upon how difficult of a challenging you are trying to rid from the physical body.  You continue to draw the breath in through your feet as you hold the thought of the challenge, and on the exhale let it go….eventually the breath will become circular and when you have released each exhale will be just as white as when it entered your body.  Some people like to use the breath as a vacuum cleaner, but whatever visual you feel you connect with to truly embrace these ideals that you are ready to let go of because they are no longer serving your life, in fact, they stunting your growth and learning.

The last part and most important part of this exercise, now that we have let go, is to focus on the things we want to “REBIRTH” into our lives.  I have since learned a lot about manifesting.  I am always humbled to learn from so many others who have mastered the ideal of manifesting.  I always thought it was as simple as a cork board and a few cut outs of things you “WANT” in your life.  This isn’t wrong as there is intention set and there are many ways manifest. Therefore, there is no right or wrong just evolution.

What I have learned is that it isn’t enough to “Want” these things in your life.  You must imagine that you already have them no matter if it is a new job, new teacher, the list is endless and only you can put up limitations.  You can create any reality you want which is such an amazing gift, why are we all not doing this??

According to Gregg Braden, manifesting is a science and an art.  Physics tells us that we have energy fields around us and each word we speak echoes out across the universe.  However, it is how you set your intention that begins to create your reality, your thoughts.  You have to believe on an emotional level that the things you want in life will happen.  For example, if you are trying to get a new job.  Imagine that job in detail as if you were reading the job description, IMAGINE how excited you FEEL when you get the call, what your office looks like, what an amazing relationship you have with your boss.  This is manifesting with emotion….moving past what you just want.  You must move to I have and use your emotions and senses to create your beautiful reality.  In addition, to your creation let God guide you as some of the things you want may not be in your best interest so don’t fight that.  The river is already created, it is how you flow, and enjoy the scenery.

Today, as I write out my lists, I am humbled to realize that so far my greatest teacher has been the loveolution.   I have been very blessed and thankful to have had so many  amazing teachers.  However, the lessons I have from this journey are endless and many of my “teachers” have been a big part of the journey.  I have learned that when you let go of how you believe it should look,  things show up, opportunities  that have a lot to offer your journey.  I have learned that you can not have fear with faith, it must be fearless faith.  This leads  us down the path of what is ones greatest fear,  hopefully we eventually get to the answer: I have no fear as it is just a useless tool of the ego to slow your creation down.

“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”  – Lao Tzu

I love this quote by Lao Tzu and clearly his wisdom is amazing.  I also love this quote by Bertrand Russell as they go hand in hand,

“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”

 

May we all let go of that which no longer serves us and enlighten to a rebirth of health, wealth, and happiness,

Happy Halloween!

Blessings,

Holly P

 

 

 

 

Eye of the Storm!

We woke up this morning with no electricity and Tad looked at me as we laughed because Sawyer was in a partial cry because he couldn’t watch his morning show.  Tad was in a partial cry because he needed to turn the generator on to get some coffee.   It was just so funny how we were thinking on the list of importance.

We have kept our eyes on the storm, of course, but I have to say that everyone has their own take on it.  There is no question that if you live on the coast or areas that have a history of flooding then you need to take extra precautions.  However, it is interesting to see how some news stations make it seem like you should go spend the next week in your basement eating MRI’s.  Some just saying make sure you take caution and have safety/ preparedness ready which is my take.  You should always have some level of preparedness for anything.  It could be a storm of any kind that could be cause for concern, but after the facts it is just your perspective and most importantly, how you react.

I mean this metaphorically as well.  I have worked over the years with people that extremely overact to situations that were designed to create fear or parlay some kind of brainwashing.  I will admit I (from time to time) I also got caught up in the craziness, adding to the situation, energy that just allowed the storm to turn to a category 5.

I have learned that this is one of the greatest keys in life, especially for those that need to reduce stress in their life.  Keep to the facts instead of creating your own story, this is something I have acknowledged and work into my life daily.  Katie Byron does a lot of amazing work with this, but I personally find her line of questioning that she applies to a situation, to be a bit confusing.  I say keep it even more simple.  Start with facts, not your emotion, not your opinion…just facts and keep it simple.

I did a little exercise, where I went back to a couple of situations that I believe I added drama and created a bit of my own story.  When I went back took out the emotion, drama, and stuck with the facts it seemed like a completely different situation all together.

Reaction is one of the strongest forces we have to handle any situation.  Being in the eye of the storm, where it is peaceful and calm, gives you the opportunity to make good choices.  No matter where you live, or who you are there is always a storm that you can choose to make a category 5 or keep it simple at a category 1.  When life is simple and much less stressful, you will have so much more energy to live with kindness and find your internal truth.  This could be as big as having the positivity to change careers, or do something that you just didn’t think you had the ability because your reaction was always negative.

Remember a storm is mother nature’s way of cleaning up her playground and even give those who use her an opportunity to clean up as well. Look at this as a gift.

“A life of reaction is a life of slavery, interllectually, and spiritually.  One must press for a life of action, not reaction.” – Rita Mae Brown

Much love and light!

EXERCISE:

Place your palms on your belly and as your breathe into your belly fill your back body as well before you allow the breath to make its way to your upper chest.  Imagine a storm swirling in your belly creating a beautiful breath that is healing and loving.  Close your eyes and feel the softness of each lid and on an exhale (whenever you feel clarity from breathing deep belly breaths), allow the exhale to move down your face, shoulders, and then the rest of your body like a wave.  Once you are in a state of calmness and feel clear, take yourself to 1 or 2 situations where you know you added to the drama making it a storm.

1. Ask yourself what really were the facts, even if this means you were “wrong” (it is always ok to be wrong, the best part is admitting it).

2. Simply write down how you could have turned down the dial and not had such a reaction which created the drama.

3.  Write down how fear and anger brought forward the reaction.

4. Write down how love and kindness could have changed this experience to a positive action.

5.  Last, but most importantly, let go and let yourself be free from past mistakes.  If you take the past to the future, that is a big mistake.  If you let the past shape you and help you grow on many levels then you listening to your internal teacher.

 

Many blessings,

be safe today!

Holly P

Judgements

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

It has been roughly a year since this journey has started for me and I can see and feel that time is not real because this has been like a flash.  Imagine the most amazing of roller coasters, it is so intense that there are warnings  placed all along the walkway as you head to the platform.  All I can think of is Space Mountain in its infancy….if you have a heart condition don’t ride.   Or a pharmaceutical commercial stating: this drug may cause bleeding, loss of appetite, nausea, hair loss, and in some cases death….WHAT????  Hmmmmmm do I really want this joy ride.   Suddenly you realize that this coaster is a journey for you and you have no choice, but to jump on and go.  All those behind you are there to support you through this journey, through the up/downs, lefts, and rights.  Each individual supporting you in their own way, which makes it all the better as it is coming from love not obligation.

You slide into the first seat, buckle up real strong and off you go…..the journey of your lifetime.  This is really how this past year has been.  There have been very difficult times where I let myself get beat down, there have been much time of stillness and quiet (can you believe that with a 3-year-old).   I have cried many tears of emotional distress from years before, and mostly have dealt with ego and fear.  Bottom line:  You can NOT have faith if you have fear.  You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first.  Most importantly if you let your ego run the show, allow your internal dialogue to be negative and filled with defeat then this is where you will stay.  However, if you believe in the unbelievable and let your imagination take you high into the sky you will live the true life that you desire.

I realize we are all human, we will all have days that are challenging.  Some of the challenges we have created ourselves, some have been handed to us for growth and learning.  It is definitely harder to live with kindness and love all the time.  For some it just takes one little thing to get the ego telling you how bad things are or how unlucky you are.:   “When are you going to get a break?”  But it is there for the taking.  We all can have work that feels like play because we like it so much.  I know that seems so hard to imagine as we conjure the list of excuses: money, rank, how can I go to school and pay for daycare….the list goes on and on.  I have seen people go to school with kids and work.  Crazy I thought, but it was done because of  passion and wanting to help people.  We all have it in us, it just comes down to judgment and inner dialogue.

“Those who have failed to work toward their truth have missed the purpose of living”

Sivananda

Over this past year, I have had so many experiences and have been blessed in so many ways that it truly is amazing.  I share these words with you as I have lived them and still do as I work through my own judgments, as I cry to my mom about my fears and uncertainties, to clear through to the beauty called life.  As I said really loving yourself is the key because then it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, says, does, you have your own heart to share that you are good. PERIOD!!

Earlier in my coaster ride I asked God daily for affirmations that I was going to make it through this experience, especially prior to my bone marrow transplant.  (you can’t imagine the things people said as at one time it was a very risky procedure)  I had to keep my head clear and believe that whatever my true journey is would unfold.  But I still wanted affirmations  🙂

One afternoon I was walking into my garage and as I stepped in I found 1/3 of a butterfly wing.  I smiled to myself as butterflies are a sign of rebirth which is exactly what this was and is all about for me.  As I continually saw butterflies everywhere (I realize it was summer, but I saw butterflies in the most unlikely of places and one even rested on my shoulder).  To make a long story short over the next week, I found 1/3 of the wing in my backyard, and 1/3 of the wing in my front yard.  When I put them all together they made a beautiful color and shape.  I have saved it as an amazing memory that God is always ready to send you a message of comfort if you ask, there is no reason to suffer.  So believe me I asked everyday and always got something that blew me away.

After my transplant life was very slow going.  I couldn’t go out anywhere, I couldn’t eat any healthy foods, just foods that were preserved with garbage as any bacteria or mold could be detrimental.  I really wasn’t worried about that, I was more just about naturally allowing my body to heal.  It was some tough days…Tad, my mom, dad, and Sawyer were so strong for me and I became strong for myself.  As I began to get stronger (you wouldn’t believe how skinny and weak I did look after 6 weeks in the hospital) I would make small trips out.  I had to wear a mask and gloves and did people stare.

Some were worried I had something to share with them and others were just curious….and let me tell you, you could feel the difference between those that were curious and those that were judgmental, like you were going to give them sars or something.   Oh there were many fun experiences with the mask and gloves, a few times I wanted to jump at the guy who made the widest berth around me. But the best story was just recently I was sick of being in the house and so we went for a ride to best buy for several reasons.  One because Tad is a man and could stay in best buy for hours and not flinch, secondly and more importantly I needed a new phone.  If you know my son he is a very active child which for the most part is an amazing characteristic unless you are exhausted at which time you want handcuffs without DCFS.  Anyway, we were running through the store laughing as he chased me up and down the aisles, hoping to catch me.   As I began to head for the door bc I knew it was time to leave.  This woman turns around (now mind you I would not run up on someone with a mask on we were plenty far away)  She screams and throws her hands in the air….OMG!  Get away from me.   She runs back inside best buy as Sawyer and I stand by the door waiting for Tad who missed the whole show, but it was funny telling it over as I watched her pace the registers until I left.  It was hilarious.  The point that I am making is that it has been a challenge to wear a mask everywhere I go.  At Sawyer’s school parents have not been kind at all which was definitely a shock.  They ignore me or pretend they don’t see me which is fine, my skin has grown thick and I just think back to my journey of how I have shaken out the kinks and really learned to love myself.  With such a simple thing as wearing a mask, I have experienced judgment at its finest, and so I remember where it started. … when we were in our insecure 8th grade bodies and we just learned to keep going until some experience began to soften it our sense of judgment.  Then an extreme experience made it unacceptable when the judgment was unkind or mean.  There is a big difference between judgment and curiosity.   I have had people ask me why I am wearing a mask, which started some very kind and loving conversations.

Judgment is a tricky thing because we learn through others judgements so it is really just about keeping yourself in check.  There is a book I read and have just taken off the shelf to reread called “Above all be kind….raising a humane child in challenging times.”  It was amazing and just filled your heart with love and light.  I affirm to myself each morning while Sawyer watches his morning Word World.  That I love myself and no matter what I do I am doing the best I can each day with loving kindness.

A little exercise that I started in my journal was to write down all my negative inner dialogue and/or judgment.  I did it for a week without looking back at it.  The following week I would access these thoughts to find that most, if not all were garbage which I literally tossed away clearing another sheet for me to write in love.

Many blessings,

Love and light.

Holly P

Peace

Have you ever really thought about what the word peace means?  Have you ever asked what does it feel like to truly be peaceful inside and out?

These are two questions that I have thought about for a long time.  There are many ways to express peace, feel peace, share peace.  In addition, there are many ways to speak peace,v m  Paz, shanti, Vrede, Paix, Shalom, and the list goes on and on.  During this year I have tried to keep as much peace around me as possible, as I figured my way through my journey.  I simplified everything starting with material items, then I set on a journey to have a rebirth.  I knew that understanding peace would be a major part of it because if you don’t have peace, then how do you have love.   They really go hand in hand, one within the other.

One night I was watching Sawyer sleep and I saw such peace in his soul.  When he first woke up that morning he looked at Tad and me and said “I love my family”.  I saw such love and peace in his eyes….  And then it began, the crazy energy that zips through every childs body, their desire to learn and make their world bigger.  And anyone who knows Tad, knows that his energy is not far behind Sawyers so I should say my two kids> LOL  However, in all seriousness there was something different, probably because I was looking for it.  But, even with his continued excitement, and some misbehaving, I saw in the eye of his storm….. peace.  I wondered if you look into the eyes of others if you would find this sweet spot of peace mostly in children and those that love life.

As I have been reading a lot, I came across a book that I bought a long time ago with my friend Elise.   “What does peace feel like”?  It is a book about children and how they perceive peace in their hearts.  The author starts by bringing to the attention of the reader how beautiful the word peace sounds as he lists it in every language.   He asks “Did you ever close your eyes and try to imagine peace”.   Kinda sounds like a beetles song, but still this is something I had never done…have an image of peace? (more than quiet, more than peace because there is no war etc.)   The children’s answers were so amazing and simple that it brought tears to my eyes.  If only children could run the house things would probably go so much smoother.  🙂

One night before bed I set out to imagine PEACE.  I asked myself what peace felt like to me, looked like, sounded like, and tasted like.  I had a myriad of feelings sweep over me. It felt warm, colorful, sweet and so loving.  It felt like no matter what, you were so safe and every problem in the world could be solved so simply.  It was definitely an amazing feeling and I got it:  All the beautiful words I have ever used in yoga classes, and the words writers use to express thoughts of love all come down to loving yourself and expressing this beautiful energy outward.  Imagine a day where everything you do is in peace….no matter what the action of the person at the drive through at Starbucks, your response is peace.  At work, a co-worker that you may not care for you, you enjoy more because you aren’t trying to judge her or his actions or surrender to your own insecurities.  Everything is exactly as it should be.  There is no need to fit a label, or rise to someone else’s expectations, you are loving and confident with your desire to be happy which is self-less not selfish.  Love for self, peace, happiness: they all follow each other like a train through the hills of Tuscany, with the option for a little wine to brighten the color..LOL!!!

One of the best books I have ever read is “Dying to be me” by Anita Moorjani.   After she wrote her book, she had such wild success that Hay House Publishing asked her to do an online course.  So I signed up and listened intently to her experiences and explanation for how we are all one.  She did several exercises and one particular exercise was designed to discover self love.  Exercise: Sit down in a quiet place with a pad and pen.  Write down all the things you don’t like about yourself.  Maybe things you have done or something about your personality….whatever it may be simple or more challenging write it down.   Now write down all the things you love about yourself.  Everything from external to internal.  Look at the two lists and you will have your answer of love for self.  Be honest with this exercise because I believe this is knowledge and it will give you the power to understand yourself, deepening your relationship with intuition, healing, and life.  In  addition, it will help you become more in love and at peace with self.  Each time I have done this exercise I have noticed that I have worked through things that I believed I didn’t like and have turned the “like” list longer.  I will tell you it was tough to be brutally honest, but there was such a shift and I felt so much lighter.  We have all these relationships in life, husbands, partners, wives, friends, animals, etc  If we do not have love for ourself (which is just our ego trying to cause suffering), then we can not truly extend love to another.  That love you feel when you first meet someone, it is the reflection of your internal love….if not then it is just lust.  I am not saying lust is bad…. 🙂   However, this is just the truth.  The more ways we can be honest with ourselves, move away from negative situations, stop creating them as well.  The more ways that we can truly identify areas where are insecurities hide deep inside, the more space we will have to love self and all those around us, with peace and TRUE happiness in our corner.

Much love and light.

Holly P.

1 Year

It was one year ago yesterday that I walked through the doors of Dana Farber with my mother and Uncle Jimmy in tow.  I had no idea what to expect and fear was probably spilling out of every cell in my body.  You know those movies where people get stuck in the revolving doors and just keep going round and round to avoid their fate….well I wanted to get that sucker going round fast so it would somehow act as a dolorian and send me back to Chicago.  I still couldn’t believe this was happening  and wasn’t even sure it was.  In addition, my husband was back in Chicago, with Saywer and my Dad packing up our essentials to move to Massachusetts to live my parents.

My mom and I were directed upstairs to meet with the first physician in the Loveolution group to discuss what I didn’t want to know which was statistics and symptoms etc.  I didn’t have one symptom, so I didn’t want or need to hear statistics that are so difficult to truly determine and can be driven by the statistician concluding them.  So before she even spoke I told her what I wanted: no symptoms, no statistics, just options.  At that time there was a pediatric regimen that was working well and from there a bone marrow transplant.  I wanted to take one step at a time, but really it was an easy choice after the research I did in Chicago.

I walked up to floor 4 and saw my new home….YIKES.  The nurses made it sound like the ritz, but the bathroom tiles tilted down towards the right, the window didn’t open, but if you opened the blinds there was a beautiful brick wall. 🙂  So I focused on the inside.  The nurses showed me where I could walk this little circle around the nurses station or on the floor, if  you go around 30 times it was 2 miles. (When Colleen and Wendy were visiting they had difficulty with the small size of my track and being such good sports Colleen took Dramamine so she wouldn’t get sick and Wendy just closed her eyes and went to the bathroom a lot).

I called the chemo an elixir of love.   All the nurses  loved it because why not???  And they all went along with it.  I had vision boards all over my room and had friends send all kinds of spiritual things.  I was in remission in 2 weeks….I AM BLESSED.  Then came the bone marrow transplant which was definitely more difficult than I thought.  However, it was really just part of the process.  Again another blessing, my oldest brother a perfect match.  He produced almost 60 percent more cells then you need and I got them all.  It was a gift and one that I will never forget.

When I got home from the hospital I moved slowly and took much time to just heal.  There were many books, internet blogs, and crazy reality shows that got me through this time, but my family and friends were the most important.  Whether a phone call or short visit it was just enough to be reminded that I wasn’t a part of the walls in my parents house.  When you can’t go out you would laugh at some of the things you start to think and actually do!! LOL  I will share in the future because that is really putting myself out there and I know there are a few of you that will make fun.  LOL

So last night, was one year and there just happened to be a light the night sponsored by the lymphoma and leukemia society.  I didn’t really promote for it due to several reasons.  First, I had never heard of light the night, so wasn’t really sure what it was all about.  Tad had explained it to me, but for some reason I never quite took it in. There may have been a part of me that emotionally wasn’t ready to go to a big event like this.  Sawyer just started school and so I was actually a little busy because I started school too.  Then there was raising money.  Money is such a weird thing and some people actually get offended when you ask bc there are so many people asking even though intention is good.  But after all these excuses I think the biggest reason was that I want to have a big party next year around Feb 9 to celebrate, thank, and start a foundation for those that are going through illness with financial challenges.   I was blessed to have amazing insurance and we still had to spend a good amount of money on co pays etc.  I can’t even imagine trying to heal and having to worry about money.  However, in the end those were all silly things to worry about and I do regret that  I didn’t reach out to my family as I think that many would have come to walk.  Either way we did raise a sweet amount of money  for the LL society and I will have a nice gathering next year.

To really understand what a family goes through when there is illness and financial challenge, I hope I never know.  When I first entered Dana Farber I had to go to the financial registration desk which is where you give your insurance.  At the time I was just switching to Cobra and they were still processing my registration.  Dana Farber was very concerned about this and I had to provide all kinds of stuff just to see the doctor knowing that I was going to be admitted.  It was so stressful even though I knew it would all work out.  Knowing what this felt like is the reason I want to start a foundation to help families get through this time without stress.  It isn’t just about lack of insurance, it’s about how you are treated, and the fear and stress that you may not receive care.  In addition, I have done some research and there seems to be ways to get govt funding, but I really at this time do not know how to start a foundation, but I will work on it.  If there is anyone who has done this or has some great ideas please let me know.    I will definitely be sending out information so that you all will have plenty of time to mark the party on your calendar.  I am excited to announce the plans that I foresee with this foundation.  You don’t have to give money if you don’t want, just love, support, which is exactly  what I felt last night.  SOOOOOOO MUCH LOVE, so on to light the night….what an event.

We parked the car (even my dad walked with his special walking shoes) and only complained once, but I can’t blame him there was a period of about 20 mins where it just down poured.  It was like God opened up the skies and was sending healing to all of us as it felt very refreshing.  The rain is fun as one time we used to play in it, now we run from it.  But I was grateful that my dad had the biggest umbrella’s in the place.  He put Rihanna to shame.

We then got in line to register: there were three different shirts: I walk in memory of a lost one, I walk because someone’s life depends on it, and lastly, I walk because MY life depends on it.   Each shirt was marked with a different balloon color.  White was the survivor, Red was the walkers for a loved one who needs support, and yellow was a loved one  lost.   As I put the survivor shirt on I just burst into tears, I think I scared my parents half to death. But I could not control the emotion that was pouring out of me….well lets be real it was probably a very ugly cry with snots and heaving sounds, but I couldn’t control it.  And then once my family was surrounding and hugging me I felt safe and loved.  I did this with the help of many and all these thousands of people had too.  They brought the survivors on stage and shared a few stories it was really nice.  Then we started our walk through a neighborhood in Cranston, RI (we started in Garden City parking lot).   All of the houses were brightly lit, as we carried our balloons that were lit from the inside designating what we represented in our walking.  It was beautiful and truly lit up the night.  As we walked it was as if there was a path lit for us, some houses were decorated , and some even had people outside cheering us all on during the walk.  We walked, laughed, and shared stories of the past year.  Of course Sawyer was the center of much laughter as usual.  He looked me in the eyes last week and said “mommy I knew you wouldn’t let me down”.  I am not sure what that meant, but I have my ideas.  There have been many funny days and nights, but I must say my mother  “being” a mother was often funny, but the laughter was  very healing.  She would make a Cabbage Patch wear a mask if she thought there was some way I could catch an infection from it.  Anyway, I was grateful and it was one of the best nights of my life…I didn’t feel alone.

As we got towards the end of the walk you could hear the cheers and clapping, the entire finish line was full of amazing people supporting those who walked.  Again tears came to my eyes because one woman was from Tads company and her husband has been going through this for 2 years with many challenges.  He smiled and laughed as he shared with me (bc we had some of the same nurses) his funny stories.  When I asked what floor he was on he said 4, 6, 8,9,10,11,  we just laughed he was amazing and inspiring person.  People are amazing, especially when they get together in numbers to support.  However, it is the time when it is quiet and you are alone that you still need to find that love and inspiration within yourself….that is a blessing.  I have realized that it truly all comes from within, whether you are alone, with family, at a big event it is love without judgment and fearless faith that will help you walk the steps of life as your story is told.

Please join me with your thoughts about a foundation if you have any ideas or places that are best to start.  I look forward to seeing you in Feb. without a mask  🙂

 

 

 

Love and light

Holly

Coincidence

I finally had to give up my black berry that I have had for about 5 years bc of rough handling and several other problems. The iphone was what “everyone” was talking about and the talk and text was really intriguing  to me  so I upgraded to the iphone.   From the beginning I had such a tough time with it.  Constant dropped calls, the talk and text had a mind of its own and suri, I am not sure does not like me   🙂        So I went to best buy (bc of course you get insurance for anything IT) to return my phone and get it fixed.  They told me that once I got home and downloaded  all my contacts would be nice and pretty in my fixed phone…..you can imagine where this is going!  So no contacts, but the phone is fixed and I didn’t have to send it out, so I take that as a plus.  So I wondered coincidence or not??
Sat. was the Autumn Equinox a day of starting fresh, letting go of all that doesn’t serve you, and really connecting with your truth.  Tad and I did a fire circle where we wrote down all the things we wanted to let go of, forgive ourselves for, and experiences we want to bring into our reality.  We started the fire pit and said a prayer of protection and love as we started throwing in our wishes…….even Sawyer said a prayer for good blessings.

As we have moved over a year ago, the past months we have been going through our home and either thrown away stuff or given it to the goodwill.  It is amazing once you realize that things don’t mean as much as we once thought.  Anything in my closet that I hadn’t worn in the last 8 months went…things I thought I could never part with, but really it is always with you.  Items you can purchase again….I mean be real we all need a couch and TV  🙂  I have watched a few episodes of breaking Amish and it didn’t really work out for them to go with out a  TV>>>>  LOL

We burned all kinds of stuff.   I burned a suit  that I wore quite a bit during my pharmaceutical days.(A metaphorical healing)   We burned letters, financials, while we asked for abundance, stuff that I did at the hospital burned like rage that once was a part of my cells, but has been filled with love.  It felt so good to let go of so many things physically and emotionally.  It felt so good to be grateful for the help and love that has flowed through our lives.  The freedom of realizing home is inside of you and all those you love is so awakening.   Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that you should not have any material things that bring joy to your life….but I am sure you would agree if you just look around in the room that you are currently sitting you would see at least 5 things that you could do without.

Bringing this all together, my point in sharing this was that it just happened to be the next day that I realized all my contacts were gone.  All those phone numbers and emails….ugh.  But then I thought maybe this is a part of the cleansing.  My last blog entry focused on our life as a theater, you can have people in your balcony that you have much love for, but may not be super close then your front row that you probably talk with everyday.

Over the past year I have had to hibernate for lack of a better word which was amazing in many ways and lonely in many others.  As I continue to learn and observe I realize that the relationships you choose to have in your life should be loved and respected.  In addition, the relationships that are no longer super close should also be loved and respected as there was a time this person was a teacher for you.  When you are on the phone you should be listening instead of thinking about what you want to say (we have all done this or we are doing 2 other things while pretending to listen…LOL)

I am still healing and still have precautions to take.  I know that I still need to reach out for help. But I am so grateful for all those that have taught me, loved me, helped me get through this time.  I would really like to start blogging weekly and would love your support.  They will be mini yoga classes.  Please share the blog with your friends http://www.hollysloveolution.wordpress.com      then press follow.    If you would like to comment go to the bottom of the post and press comments.

In addition, if you are in my theater would you send me your cell number.    🙂    htess4410@yahoo.com

 

Much love and light!