It has been months since I have posted and I will say that all has been great. I am healing as expected, but what wasn’t expected by me was the Tidal wave that hit after I dug in to get through and understand this journey. Nights in fear, nights so strong that I wanted to help the world. However, either way I have had this “time” to let it all sink in and become a part of me, a part of my family. We have all learned from this and continue to learn that love is the most important thing in the world. (period 🙂
My hair is growing in nice and curly, who would have thought. But I like it and it takes me back to Oct 16 the day that my hair started to fall out. I cried as the nurse shaved my head bc I knew my husband and son would be coming to see me ……what would they think? Tad I knew would love me more and have compassion for what I was going through. But it was Sawyer I worried about. He walked into my hospital room after refusing a mask and smiled, then laughed. I will never forget the words he spoke “mommy what happened to your hair”. After we came up with a lame excuse that mommy just wanted to try a new haircut. He just gave me a huge hug. So I worried to protect, and created stress and my son saw LOVE. Sawyer has done really well understanding that mommy had a boo boo, but is healing. I want to write about how proud I am that my 3-year-old didn’t give too much resistance about washing hands all the time and knowing that mommy had to sleep in his big boy bed before he got to. He is amazing. I have drawn much strength from him and Tad. And it all came from the pure love we have as a family, my mother and father included. Of course my brother as it was his gift of love that he never even questioned.
When we are in difficult situations in life and they are shocking, we just need love. Love and the energy of love will help you see the beauty of a bad yoga class, a bad relationship that is no longer serving us. It gives insight to brighten your entire soul, therefore, sticking with love and forgiveness is like following the yellow brick road.
I think for most of us we get so caught up in what our “life purpose” is that we forget just loving everyone is our life’s purpose. Listening to Gods guidance will then give you direction. Hence why some of us love animal and some do not, well the one that does not probably shouldn’t be a vet. We need to connect to our passions and listen. Listen to what our heart is telling us and allow ourselves to walk with freedom. We all judge way, but each day is a new day to leave that behind. What does it matter if you don’t like someone’s outfit or how they are running their life. Learn from it and send love. These are the things we should be teaching our kids.
Sawyer started Preschool last week and I am sure everyone would agree- it is the cutest thing in the world to see your beloved child take their first steps to independence. The bravery and the courage shines through their heart like a superhero. They all handle it differently, but it is because all of those differences that we learn how to have compassion, patience, and love. Instead of making one way right or wrong, we should just laugh and love.
The first day I picked up Sawyer I had my mask on looking like I was showing up for a Halloween party early and as he saw my face through the double glass doors he smiled so big that I felt the tears come up from my belly. IT IS JUST LOVE.
Tonight I came home from a yoga class that was great and after a few moments of ugly crying Tad commented that I probably released something during class. (did I ever) So I cried some more as he gave me amazing words of wisdom. I asked him when I would hear and receive guidance bc I am not really sure where I stand or who I am right now. He reminded me of who I was, “a person that loves, a person filled with courage, a person filled with gratitude. These are the things I have taught Sawyer just by living and loving. And just by knowing this truth I would be given this answer at the most divine time….a belief that is so rooted in my soul that I should have said it to myself.
I continue to reflect on my journey since Oct 2, I think about all the things I have learned, I think of all the “non-coincidences” of people who have come into my life for the perfect line or just to offer strength. I am so grateful to all and so grateful for love. Most of all I am blessed that I am no longer fearing the worst, but living with all the possibilities that will cross my path over the years to come.
Wake up today and ask to see all the love you have to be grateful for and all the love you may need to say thank you for.
Much love and light and we can learn from each other.