Being Real

Sometimes you have to distance yourself from certain people, so you can clear your heart and listen to spirit’s guidance.  This is not because you don’t love them,its because you need to move forward with your journey in an appropriate and positive direction, possibly making the relationship much better.  We are always changing and being challenged, but all any relationship needs is love.  And this love is knowing when to just listen, love, or get advice, etc.  You know who those friends are to go to, but there may be a few relationships that really need evaluation.

We all need to listen to what is guiding us and accepting love is all a relationship needs (when I say relationship I mean the one with yourself as well.  I am in no way  suggesting you break-up (LOL) with anyone because you have had one  fight.  However, we often tend to feel guilty as if we are leaving or ending the relationship forever. We also get very comfortable, so moving outside the box seems like the monster in the closet.  We are learning that at certain times in life we need to move forward because the place we are living is no longer servicing us and has become mundane, boring, and confusing. (by living I just mean where we are on our journey).

This particular skill  has been such a struggle for me personally.  After being diagnosed, I knew I needed to focus on healing first, but it was such a shock and a process that I was not familiar.  I became extremely distracted with negative thoughts.  I felt so labeled and very judged by some.  Many didn’t know what to say or how to deal which was fine because I didn’t either.  Our society doesn’t exactly teach us how to deal with emotion. On the other side, most people supported me with such love it is and was amazing.  It was so amazing to know how many people want to help and be there for you.  Friends of friends sent me prayer gifts and support, People texted all the time…just shows what love is about and how we are all one.  although I am through the loveolution, I have about 6 more month of healing from the bone marrow transplant as of 3 weeks ago I was 100% grafted, meaning all Shads blood is now mine.  I am officially a vampire.

All be it that this was the most shocking event of my life, it will be changed forever.  Not just through better ways of living, but connecting through spirit, learning to fully surrender, letting my real soul and love shine through.  A choice that was tough in the beginning because I was confused.

This is the first time I realized that in any situation God guides you down the right path if you are there to listen with the proper group and sometimes that group is small so you do the work.  Sometime the group is large, but further away so you know you can reach out at any time.    Moving forward it was easier than expected and when I found out 2 weeks after diagnosis that my blood was clean” it was just”amazing).  Then to find out my brother was 100 percent match, another gift. ….onto the transplant.

The blood transplant was a definitely  tough.  although we has this cool ceremonial transplant which we created with the nurses to bless the blood etc.  After a month in the hospital coming home was the beginning of my dealing with fear.  They give you a list of food you can’t eat, what not to do, what to    watch out for,  so basically it was house  Even we couldn’t remember all the do’s and don’ts.  There were some positive things….I didn’t have to clean, I was taken very good care of in every way. But when I knew things were turning around was when everyone in my house got sick, however, I was the only one that did get sick

Don’t get me wrong I am still a ways from full healing.  I wake up some days and wonder if I am pregnant the nausea is so bad, I am pretty skinny, and have had to take lots of meds.  But I am starting to ween off  meds and feel much more clear.  From the beginning I felt so lost, scared, unsure.  Now I feel stronger, I believe God is sending me a direction and most of all I have gratitude for all the love that I received in my life.  In addition, the lessons that I have learned.  I say this every time, but you can’t even believe how my inner spirit has changed and the relationships in my life.  Thank you.

Even though I really can’t go too far, I would love to see whoever has the time and space for a visit….just gotta be healthy   🙂

I miss you all and I love your LOVE AND SUPPORT!

Many blessings


PS  if anyone is interested in trading body work or have a great referral in the oxford/dudley area please let me know.  508 789 7718

One comment

  1. Love it Holly-bo-bolly! Keep the faith and when you feel strong enough to laugh until you pee, call me :P! You all are in our prayers always. We miss you guys!


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