Month: June 2012

How to Comment!

I am very new to blogging so I have just figured out how to respond to comments so that everyone can see and respond themselves.  Go to

All of the posts that I have published so far are there from beginning to date.  If there is a particular post that you have had similar experience with and would like to add your wisdom go to the bottom of my post and you will see comments.  Press comments and add in your thoughts.  There have been many amazing posts that have really been a blessing.  Also if you don’t agree, please with kindness share your story because this is how we learn from each other.  You can also post it to twitter, facebook, etc if you feel that appropriate.


If you have any questions about it please call me 508 789 7718.  I have an iphone now so I am really good at dropping calls, so please be patient  🙂

I am also in the middle of a loveolution project and would like to get as many people on this blog as possible.  I would also be honored if someone wanted to write a post that they think would help us grow together as one.  I will unroll the project soon as I am working on the website, but it is somewhere along the line of being able to release emotion (past), release fear, envision, allow, and accept that which you truly are in this reality.


Many blessings


In order to create your true reality you must leave fear in the dark, judgment in the past, and open your heart fully to LOVE!  It is a choice that is waiting to spread through you and all those you choose to be in your reality.

It seems that this above sentence is very difficult to stay true to yourself.  I am working so hard to dissolve any fears that may try to creep into  my head, but with 12,000 – 60,000 thoughts per day and being on house arrest  🙂  it is a bit tough to get your head straight.  Meditation, affirmation, reading, and my family is helping me work through this.  Today I am Leukemia free…..what a success, but my biggest fear is that it will come back.  I WILL NOT live each day with this fear.  I am so blessed that I went into remission in 2 weeks.  I believe there is a bigger plan here, however, there is no question that this fear is triggered by  things that I see, read or things people say in innocence.  I say my no fear mantra and immediately I feel my body chemistry change.  Leukemia has been an opportunity to learn about fear and face it.  We all have fears, but when you really have to face fear you need to learn techniques to squash them, or push them so far into the past that it is just a memory that doesn’t affect the present.  This is our choice…..I am choosing to move past fear, it doesn’t happen in a day, but huge strides since October.  I am facing it head on softly and gently  like a goddess, instead of a warrior.  I am taking this route because the more I listen to the fear the more I realize how much of a trick it really is and how my mind wants to keep this obstacle course in full swing.   Today, I will Love this fear bc it has taught me a lesson the most precious life lesson.

Fear……it is a beast.  Running its course through most of our lives, I can only imagine what the world would look like if there was no fear or even less fear. (Can we say Happyville)!! Fear does an amazing job fooling many of us as our inner voice, the ego doesn’t want us to know the truth.  Therefore, we take the hard path because of fear, not realizing that if we listen to our inner guide, life would be easier and filled with so much more love.  We wouldn’t feel that missing piece or feel misguided in life.

When one feels misguided, where is the most common place we look?  Outside ourselves, often looking to our culture and society to give us a definition of what is right and wrong.  Of course this starts with our parents mold, however, we quickly take over as early as grade school.  This is where we really experience judgment and begin creating our story.  Fear keeps you working and living externally so you don’t notice that you don’t like your job, haven’t been on vacation for 5 years because you don’t have the money, or want to lose weight but you don’t have time  to exercise.  These are just a couple of examples of many that keep you living in fear, keeping the door closed to living your true life.

Fear is the biggest creator of boundaries and judgment.  It can keep us in the handcuffs of suffering for many years.  There are many examples of fear creating boundaries and judgment.  It can be as simple as seeing a women who is dressed beautifully and you fear that you don’t look as good or it can  be going to dinner with a friend and you are a raw foodist.  You batter her through most of dinner because of her choice in food.  Making yourself feel better and your friend is left crying in her chix parmagian…LOL  That is just a joke, but you get what I am saying.  Fears hide themselves.  Yes it can be a big fear, but insecurity is a fear, worry is a fear.     As I said before fear (ego) is extremely tricky, much like a chameleon.  Once you start to recognize fear in its simplest and largest forms it becomes easier to erase them from your life.

However, you have to identify them first!!

I sat down one night and listed all the things I believe are fears, it was getting so long I stopped to work on it later. 🙂 I was shocked bc I work through yoga to minimize fear, so now I am digging .  It was really an amazing exercise as I then wrote how I can release these fears to be free so I can LIVE and BE HAPPY!


Many Blessings to you all!  Thank you for keep me in your prayers.  It you have any suggestion go to the bottom of the blog and hit comment.




When Wendy got home she sent me a prayer she thought I would like and I am passing it along to those who may enjoy it as well.

May today there be peace within.
May I trust in God that  I am exactly where I am meant to be.
May I never forget the infinite possibilities that are born in faith.
May I use the gifts that I have received and pass on the love that has been given to me.
May I be content knowing that I am the child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

Fear in the Mirror

“Now looking back I see how the mirror is such a strong, persuasive tool to help the ego or your heart”

It is amazing how friends and family can reenergize you and help you see more clearly.  There is not a doubt in my mind that healing comes from within, but with the closeness of friends and family it can help trigger thoughts that continue the process of healing.

Colleen and Wendy came for a visit this past weekend from Chicago.  It was so great to hug them and know that they were going to be here for the whole weekend; a weekend of yoga, reflexology, cranial sacral and thai massage….it was great.  They arrived late on Friday due to weather delays and so we spent a few hour catching up.  When it was time to crash we had the air mattress set up in the loft for them to sleep….we went up there for a moment, all looked at each other, and laughed, we all wanted to be in the same room.  The next moment we were figuring how to get a blown up mattress around a staircase corner.  We spent another hour enjoying our slumber party and laughing silly like we just got home from prom.  However, the laughter had a much stronger adult content then if we actually were just coming home from prom….makes you realize that certain times in life are extremely easy and we do not even know it.  🙂

All weekend there was so much laughter and tears, but so good to get a new perspective.  I felt like there was a strong theme (for lack of a better word) throughout the weekend.  That theme even though so simple still is such a challenge: The idea of living from you heart, the rawest part of your heart that knows the truth about your journey.  It is there just waiting for you to stop living from the outside, waiting to close the mirror so you can truly hear your own beat.

The mirror is so tricky- we see something we don’t like in someone else, a judgement of sorts and most often we end up feeling bad about it.  However, in truth this is just our own reflection.  When we are able to judge someone else’s decision it takes the light off of us and suppresses our commonality even further.  So this is what they call peeling the onion back one layer at a time.  We are human and far from perfection, judgment doesn’t feel good, but the good news is just recognizing that you are doing it.  We all do it every day (unless of course we have worked past this part of the ego), so next time you judge someone or a situation.  Try to see the empathy on this persons part and see how this fits into your life.  This is an opportunity to forgive and peel a layer back.  It gets so easy and then you won’t be able to  believe how much we all judge on a daily basis.

It has just been recent that I see how the mirror holds the fear, allowing you to open the door to self loath, anger, just being a plain ”mean girl” to yourself.  Sometimes we aren’t ready for the answer, but just hold the thought and move forward.  The more layers we peel, the easier it is to hear the internal heart that will guide you to your true passion.  The love that we all need to share with each other and that goes hand and hand with being happy.  Look around your immediate world…is everyone happy?

There are a lot of books that showcase how to manifest things into your life that will make you happy.  I believe many of these books are amazing, but if you don’t ALLOW these things into your heart bc you don’t believe you are deserving then  you can manifest all day.  ALLOW AND LISTEN  We get intuitive information everyday some as simple as turn here or someone is on your mind all day come to find out they need help.  ALLOW AND LISTEN.  The authors of these books are equally amazing, but if you just go book to book you may be missing the guidance you need.

Allowing and listening will provide an easy path instead of trying to walk through the mountains blindfolded. For example, we set all these intentions and sometimes get frustrated bc we feel like it isn’t working, but we have to allow and listen.  Take the path that feels of love and ease.  I believe many of us take the difficult path, working at jobs we dislike, or being in a marriage that is not serving us or our partner any longer.  These are times where you can judge yourself or blame, but if we just clear our heart and listen there is an easy path that our heart will share.

I used to write my affirmations on my mirror with erase board markers and every morning I would read them.  It felt great to know what I wanted.  But I know the missing link was I knew what I “wanted”, however, didn’t allow it bc I kept doing the same actions in life.  Until something happened to wake me up.  Along time ago I went to a workshop  and the teacher had mirrors for everyone.  She asked us to hold them up and tell ourselves “I love you, you deserve all that life offers in greatness.”   First it felt a little embarrassing, looking around the room you could see some yogis were practically shouting and others wanted to be in a box.  However, after a few moments of letting the guard down it felt like I could see right into my soul.  Of course that was the last time I did it.  However, I have started working with my mirror again and I feel more comfortable telling myself how much I love me.  We have great conversations 🙂  I feel that it is making allowing and listening much easier.  Don’t get me wrong I still have some bad days, but I am listening.

Give your mirror a try and report back!!!   Much love


Here and Now!

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

A friend of mine emailed this to me last week and I found it so fitting to the challenges that I have been facing.  It it so easy to allow your mind (not your heart…it is never your heart because if it was it would only share the truth with you.) to overwhelm you with any thing in life.  It can be as simple as a job you don’t like and is making you miserable.  It can have the  heaviness of an illness that brings forward the idea of death possibly hindering your healing because once again we can’t control it completely.  The stress from wanting to control  and the fear you allow into your space is enough to make you more ill.  Your mind wants to take you to this place of fear which leads you to believe that you can control it.  In reality you do not control much, other then your attitude that you stand with this issue.

Doing a job you don’t like is something that many of us believe we need to do bc we have to survive.  Maybe we don’t have the self-worth to melt into a new career or maybe it is just simply fear.  I have heard a lot of friends say “I can’t change careers because we need the finances” which may very well be true.  However, when it comes down to it we make that choice by listening to our heart which will guide us to the right answer.  Patience and planning is important (coming from our fast food society).  We want to have the end result without walking the one step at a time listening to our heart making decisions that will bring us happiness.  This is just an example of how we get caught in the trap of “NOT LIVING”.  I always think after getting a degree in criminology, it would be so great if I could go back to 1994 and change my major! LOL  However, there is a reason that this was my path and where it  directed me.  It has taken me on a great journey, learning so much along the way, waking up to the truths of the world.

The greatest realization to this point(as I have had plenty of time to look deep) is that I am LOVE.  When I focus on the truth that my heart is full of love and I have self-worth, fear and control begin to lose their strength.  The more I become my true self, the more I forgive myself for the lessons I have been a part of along the way, the more I learn that I have a purpose here and I will be guided in the direction of my journey.

“Emotions are the doorway to your soul”, allow yourself to let go of everypart of you that you feel is wrong or bad.  Focus on the love you have to give as we are all connected.  Take a couple deep breathes and draw into your mind something or someone that has caused you stress.  On your inhalation bring in a beautiful red light of love and on the exhale release whatever circumstance is bringing in stress.  Take a moment to recognize that we are all at a different place in our journey which should not be judged, but just knowing that everyone is doing the best where they are.


These are really challenging concepts because often times if it doesn’t feel normal or acceptable to us we make it wrong.  However, we all have a lot to learn from each other so moving softly to understand instead of judge is a great start.

Many blessings to self-love, and self-preservaton.


Holly Peckskamp


Hello All,

It has been a bit since I have reached out to the community that has supported me and continues to support me through my treatment.  This has been a journey that I am not always able to put into words, so I have just sat with it, processing it, and I knew when I was clear I would write.

I am doing really good.   Healing is going well, and slow.  This journey never leaves a day where there is not a teaching moment.  I am embracing all the lessons and awakening to so many things that I didn’t recognize previously in life.  It is like walking into an extremely large open warehouse and there are no lights.  You are granted a small flashlight so you can see only what this light provides….I have been given a new flashlight.

What I see and my perspective is such a blessing and  I can’t  believe I ever thought otherwise.  I see and understand how important family is whether you are close or not.  I see how we have all been running around for the past 10 years stressing about jobs, money, without any understanding of who we truly are and who we want to be. Then 5 years has gone by and you may not have much more awareness about your true being.

I was once told that “there are no shortcuts to true knowing so relax and take it one step at a time.”  While taking these steps breathe and listen to your inner light.  This has been my biggest realization…I have been living from the outside in instead of living through my heart and listening.  There are many in this world that do no appreciate what life has given them.  There are a million clichés about Life being short or appreciate what you have because someone else has it worse. This is so true, but more importantly your journey is about awakening and drawing closer to your life’s purpose. and  embracing your self worth.  We do not know how long we will be here, so take each breath as an opportunity to grow, to learn, and mostly to love.  Let judgment flow away as we are all in the warehouse with a different size flashlight.

Many blessings in light,


I welcome all comments as I move through this experience and I continue to learn.  I know that many of you have had major paths in this life and I would love for you to share so we can support each other with simple learning.   Much love