Month: February 2012

The boys

While staying a month in the hospital, I have been blessed with so much love and support.  The constant emails and letters have made such an impact and I thank you all!!  The hardest part in this has been having to stay away from Sawyer, Tad, my mom and dave.  So they have done everything they can to make time take flight..from sending videos and pictures to skyping they have all made this much easer.

Here are a few laughs!  please let me know if you can open video

Eternal Opposites and Day +4

Hanging here in the four walls of Brigham and Woman’s hospital has been quite the interesting experience.  During my last stay back in October, I could walk in the outer corridor of the pod, but this time I am like the girl in the bubble.  It is quite amusing and I will go along with it because it has given me so much time to read, color (which I haven’t done a lot of since I was a kid and it is so therapeutic…thanks Hillary), pray, forgive, write, laugh, write, and laugh.  However, do not get me wrong as soon as my counts recover with Shad’s cells, I will be etching at the bit to leave; saying goodbye to some amazing people who have cared for me during this adventure.

Last night Tad and I were playing cards and really just having such a good time together….I was thinking what in the heck must he be thinking as he sit in front of me with a mask and gloves so that there isn’t even the potential of passing “those bad germs”.  We agreed long ago that I was healed so that these are just the motions of learning, the challenge of staying in this truth vs the fear.  All of this brought me last night to thinking about opposites and how they parallel pretty much everything in our world; good vs. evil, right vs. wrong….I could go on forever, but you get the point.

I was thinking about light vs. darkness  and how much my view has changed with this particular opposite over the past months.  It is definitely one that can entertain you for hours, as to which direction you would like to take your belief.  While reading the ideas of Gregg Brayden, I realized that just the thought of judging one as good or bad keeps them both very present in your thoughts, so just let them both be.  In doing so your heart gravitates toward the truth which (for me) is that God is all.   It is during the time when we turn away, that we allow (the ego)  fear, anger, and most commonly judgment to take present stage. It is the power of judgement specifically that tends to be a powerhouse magnet pulling all kinds of fearful experiences and/or relationships in your life.  It can even be donated by relationships in your life as well.

I can’t begin to describe how many yoga classes I have taught and been present as a student, that discuss the polarities of fear and judgment.  Focusing on the relationships in your life and how you allow them to affect you.  I have created a metaphorical auditorium, where the closest friends/family got front row seating, while those that brought out the tougher qualities remained in the balcony.  I have never been so humble as I am today to understand that this is just a massive way to judge all those in your life with high expectations, falling into the ancient trap that keeps you stuck in old beliefs of ego.  Although, I thought this was an interesting way to identify all the relationships in your life, it is time to rise above this type of judgment and thinking.  “Rise above the polarity and heal the conflict between darkness and light – not just to survive it, but to become greater than the opposites that the battle itself allows..” Gregg Brayden

When we begin to recognize that we are here to serve and to be one with God,  fully present in our heart, the sooner we realize that we are not here to judge any of our brothers and sister.  We are not here to have expectations of them, we are here to listen to Gods call and LIVE a beautiful life while evolving our consciousness.  However, with that being said we are all at different places in our awakening, there always need to be a student and a teacher.  So as you rise above judgement the relationships in your life may change temporarily or permanently, but regardless it will keep you evolving in Gods truth and in the love of your heart.

“Each person is born with an infinite power, against which no earthly force is of the slightest significance.”  Neville Goddard



Today is day +4 – please keep envision all my cells and shad’s cells having the most victorious party together as they begin to go back up.  When they begin to go up that is when I go home  🙂


Love to you all!


Day +2

Today is called Day +2, meaning 2 days post transplant.  What a journey…It puts a smile on my face to think that my brother has saved my life.  I think of our childhood and the typical brother sister stuff…yeah I tortured him and he tortured me….then Jeff came into the mix and it was a free for all!  I am sure none of us ever thought we would be here.  The transplant itself was a very special moment and as I mentioned in the previous post I will never forget it.

Yesterday when “the Team” came in to see us they told us that they need to get 2 million cells to have a successful transplant which is why sometimes they need to take cells for 2 days.  They hope for 5 million bc that just makes it even more successful.  Drum roll…….Shad donated 8 million cells to me.  I have been praying for their integration as right now we are in the engraftment period which will last another 2 weeks.  Keep us in your prayers as so far we have all done great!
During the transplant on Thursday, right before they hooked up the lines, I got really nervous. Tad and my mom were amazing, but all the Potentials came flooding forward and I was working with loving thoughts to stay grounded in truth.  The nurse that was doing the transplant asked me if I ever saw the move “The Secret”.  If you have not seen it, it is an amazing book/movie that is based on the laws of physics.  Where you ask for or “manifest” and the more you visualize it the more you bring it into your life.  I have read the book and seen the movie a dozen times, so I thought I knew where she was going until she said do you remember when they talked about the stop sign.  Not once do I remember seeing this in the book or the movie.  She went on to explain that when you start having “mortal/egoic” thoughts envision a stop sign bc it is so engrained into our subconscious to immediately stop.  So I did and right away my physiological signs starting to taper down.  My heart rate went back to normal and I closed my eyes just visualizing all his cells becoming my cells as we are one.  Shad and I are the same blood type so I just kept envisioning this strong A POS  an A+ for us both.
Yesterday when Dr. Soiffer came to visit (transplant doc) he started describing the next 2 weeks with some side effects, potential concerns, etc etc and with my left ear I heard Tad say “STOP SIGN”.  Dr. Soiffer probably thinks he has turrets, but it was so funny that I immediately remembered that he is not the authority…God it and once again I was grounded.
I feel really good today and I ask for your continued prayers over the next few weeks!  I look forward to seeing you all soon and celebrating this amazing milestone in life!!
Much love and light!

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Last night at 10 pm Shads cells were brought over to the Brigham from Dana Farber and what a beautiful site they were!  Shad had checked into Dana Farber at 8 am and from 8 am to 4 pm, he sat in a chair donating his stem cells.  He is a hero on many fronts, but I saw and felt something different.  I felt a strong sense of oneness, a connection to my brother that exceeds space and time.  Shad did this for me bc he loves me and I am his sister, but in this story there was a point that they told him he could not be my donor bc his white count was too low.  He fought for me and he made happpen.   His white count came back up and here we are today.  It just reveals how connected we all are to one another.  My mother gave birth to me in 1976, giving me a beautiful life, teaching me to live from my heart among many other things.  Last night Shad gave me a “Rebirth” which taught me that we are all one in heart, love is all and it is time to live without fear and live in truth.

Before the cells were integrated, we had a chaplain bless them with a beautiful stem cell prayer.  I also asked her to share words from my heart. They are as follows:

I surrender to you God. I open my heart and my light to your service.  I release all fears and false ideas that come from my mortal mind and  embrace divine truth as I am made in your image, therefore, I can only be of love.

I am blessed that my brother, Shad, has given me this amazing gift which reassures me that we are all one.

I lovingly accept his cells and his love to work in harmony within my body.

I envision all these beautiful cells working together in the highest vibration of love.

I can feel the healing energy flowing through my body every breath I take; I AM HEALED.

I surround myself with authentic and loving people who share my journey of growth and awakening.   Shanti

And through those words I felt tears of joy trickle down my cheeks as I stared into the eyes of my mother and Tad there was nothing, but love present.  That was a night I will never forget as I felt all the prayers and intentions coming forward from all of you who have been supporting me on my journy.

As the cells started entering my body I felt an awkward sensation in my bones, but they reassured this was normal as the cells are making their way to the marrow.  After my mom and Tad guided me with breath work, I settled in and envisioned these cells entering my body with great acceptance and love.  It was a feeling that is leaving me without words, but a mystical time.  I felt so protected in this miracle that it does not have to be understood.  I embraced the love and we talked for a short while with the nurse, sharing spiritual stories and laughing.  It was an amazing night, my heart is full, and I am grateful for the loveolution.


Much love and light!


Power of Prayer and Intention

The first few days at Dana Farber Spa and Resort were tough.  I was met with memories from this past October and all of the emotional lessons that entangled me to have a stronger understanding of this journey.  Soon after walking through the bustling rolly door to  floor 4C I saw Meg, one of my favorite nurses, she gave me a big hug and we got right down to the schedule with no time to waste.  I am coming to this transplant as an opportunity to intertwine all of the new changes and shifts that God has opened to my soul.   THis is a rebirth which will open the doors for me to serve God and to truly live….to live life without fear bc I have set this intention to do so.  I will always live with my heart fully open, listening to the call, and having great joy with friends and family.  Lastly, the transplant is a reflection upon how I already feel (I am already healed) inside, now it will just shine outward.  I would never have believed that I would ever say I am grateful that I got Leukemia, but I am grateful for the essesnce that it has shown me through my eyes, my heart, and soul.  Please do not misunderstand there have been so many days of fear, tears, confusion, but these challenges have given me great insight to Love, to understand that all is love, love is home.   I see who I really am on my internal reflection and scrolling back through time I can easily see when my internal reflection was not love, so life was a struggle.  The Yogis call it suffering and can you believe the answer is right there inside of you….LOVE AND FORGIVE YOURSELF…leave fear, guilt, shame out to sea while you inhale the air of source.

So this leads to the big day today where Shad will share his beautiful cells with me.  I believe we are all connected in a soul dimention, but now Shad and I have this special opportunity to do in through physical form.  It is amazing.  During all of this I have thought and worked through so many layers that I would have to write a book to explain it all…but the one thing that often comes up is prayer.  Mode of Prayer is such a beautiful thing and we should each pray how we believe and feel is right for us.  However, with that being said I do believe that there are so many elements to prayer that can go much further.  I am sure we can all think back to a time where we were reciting the “Our Father” and there was not much emotion, more just words spoken as a duty to our faith.  And in the same breathe we can remember a time under the same circumstance where we felt each word jump off our tongue to spread the love to the other parishioners while feeling an astonishing sense of oneness.   Prayer is amazing, there is no write or wrong.  However, I have discovered that prayer just like everything has more opportunity when you truly believe with strong emotion what you are praying for, each word ringing a strong vibration through the universe.

This is my personal story with prayer:  I was raised Catholic and spent my younger years learning and studying the Bible at Sunday School.  My mom has such strong faith and this she instilled so deeply into me that I will forever be grateful.    Learning this expression of religion at a young age was a great foundation, but as I grew older I felt that I didn’t connect to it.   We all have to find the religious path that guides us to be one with God and the journey to this enlightenment is part of the process.  So I too began my journey with understanding faith and questioning things.  It soon lead me to study Buddhism (which is a philosophy more then a formal religion), I immediately felt a deep understanding to things that never made sense.  I understood the age old idea that you have to love yourself and their should be no guilt in doing so.  In addition, loving others without judgement or expectation.

So through my experience of buddhism, yoga, and life I have learned that prayer is a calling inside you where you transcend fear, hate, and anger.  You tap into an internal wisdom that doesn’t work under tit for tat, it just thrives under LOVE and FORGIVENESS.  When we pray we heighten our awareness to one another and feeling the collective consciousness working in peace.  Tonight as I sit here and pray, I feel one with God.  I believe that I am already healed because I am made in his image therefore I am whole, there can be no other truth.  The mind likes to tell me otherwise, but as I said before it is getting easier to identify that voice and softly send it away.  When I pray for my family, friends, the earth I envision a world of people serving their highest good, a world that has been reconnected.  I believe and see what I am praying for as if it has already happened.  A world where we all embrace each mode of prayer and religious freedom because it brings us down the same place, just using different roads.  We are all one, here to serve a higher calling.

I am so grateful for all the thoughts of prayer and love that have been sent my way.  I love you all more then any word can ever convey.  I look forward to seeing you all soon!


Much love and light!


Prayers and Thoughts Please!

Today I will be heading to the hospital to do some final workups and testing to get ready for my admission to Dana Farber Spa and Resort tomorrow (Friday, Feb 3).  I will be in the hospital for about a month and will be secluded to the room that I will decorate with pictures and visionary boards that I have been working on over the past weeks.  I will make this space a beautiful healing arena and then when I leave I will look back with gratitude, but I am sure will be ready to head home to finish a full recovery.

Our family has been so blessed by the outpouring of love and support!  I ask that you continue to pray and envision me telling you how easy this transplant has been and how fast it went by.  Envision the doctors telling me that they have never had such an easy transplant patient, see me surrounded by an amazing healing light that will keep me protected.  Lastly, send me love, love, and healing love as I will send you in a perfect harmony of support!

I will be updating every few days and I am sure that there will be some funny posts as being in the hospital is not without its humor.  Send me all the messages and emails that you want as I will enjoy hearing all of your thoughts! Any suggestions for bad TV or great books are welcomed!!  In addition, any sites that are inspirational.


The email I will be checking is,

or         facebook


Many blessings in light as I finish the last phase of this wild adventure!

Love and light!