The days following the words that will have forever changed my life were surreal in so many ways. As I have said before, words really do not translate. However, the vibration of music ALWAYS translates. I felt like I was living the song cosmic love by Florence and the Machine:
” A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through me, and now it’s left me blind
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating…..”
Looking into my husbands eyes I could see the love, strength, and courage from my own reflection. Through my sons eyes, as a mother, I knew that I would have no choice, but to find my way through fear, panic, stress, decisions back to Gods heart and navigation.
A few days later I found myself sitting at the University of Chicago, speaking with loveolution specialist Dr. Wendy Stock. It was one amazing moment and she made me feel so confident in the success I would have in treatment due to all the positives outlooks. For example, this was found before I even had one symptom that lead me to look into it. In addition, my youth, my positive attitude, and then many, many medical details such a philly chromosome negative which may not makes sense to many of you, but for adults with this loveolution makes a huge difference. I had met the lady who was going to sweep me into her arms and take care of me. After a long discussion about the Pediatric regimen, I just knew in my heart that I was going to make it through this. I stopped questioning the whys and I embraced the because. However, next came the big decision when asked “so are you from here?” Tad and I had gone back and forth for days about which place would be the best to start treatment, what type of treatment. We played out probably every possible scenario. For all of you that know my passion regarding natural health, as you will see in future posts that the more natural treatments posed greater risks with less results (blood loveolution is different). The decision was so difficult and heavy. I thought of my mom and dad and the stress of knowing that I was out in the middle of the country trying to maneuver through something so amazing: As a mother my heart broke.
It was 4 in the morning on Tuesday, October 11th. I woke up to a peaceful breath! I lay and look over at Sawyer and his beautiful face. I crawled over to Tads side of the bed and cuddled up to him, which I had been doing the past 4 nights as waking up at 3 or 4 was not unusual considering. He gave me a huge hug and kiss, told me it was going to be great. I know he was telling me the truth so I settled back in to sleep. However, something inside me wouldn’t let me fall back asleep. Almost if there was some new awareness that I needed to connect to before I could go back to slumber. I took some breaths and just explored. What came next still to this moment gives me the chills. “Home is where the heart is”. I have heard this a million times before associated with family, new homes, bad movies. But this time it was so different. It was a new connection to this very popular term. God is inside me, inside the depth of my heart. No matter what my external environment was regarding home,location, weather, -home was a brilliant bright light where God would navigate and guide me through this journey. The stars that made a map back to his beating heart as florence describes in cosmic love. This new insight was so empowering and played into the shift I had been feeling for days. No matter what my environment, weather, house, no matter what doctor or hospital, God was always the light and warmth that would sail me forward connecting me internally to the voice that would guide me. So this was the voice that I listened to when making our decision to come back to Boston.
That day was a crazy one. Tad and I got back to our house after our meeting with Dr. Stock. She had already taken care of all teh logistics for my care in Boston with the doctor she called “the Wendy Stock of Boston”. Then with the help of two amazing friends, Tad and Dave (Sawyer actually just slowed us down 🙂 we packed up the necessities and I hoped on a plane at 4 in the am. I did not feel like I left Chicago behind as I boarded my flight. Everyday I get so many messages from all the amazing people that have become friends with over the past 5 years. I feel their prayers and support and most of all their love. I know I will be in their lives forever, just extending the life “Kula”
Today, things are going quite amazing. I continue to listen to the truth that I am well and made in the image and likeness of God. My first week of treatment went off without a hitch. Everything is going great and the loveolution is responding beautifully, exactly as they like to see. I have to say Dana Farber is amazing. Right away knowing how important it was for me to have alternative care they set me up an appointment with an intergrative specialist for holisitic care. ( We are not just talking supplementation…this is the real deal) I got word 2 days ago that there was no loveolution in my spine or CNS which is just AWESOME! All of your prayers and support are making this journey more amazing everyday. Please keep your love coming as I am sending my love to you in our oneness!!
Many blessings in Light!
I can’t thank you all for your love and support! My heart is so warm with all that you do each day. Shanti