Month: October 2011

Interval Training

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. – Buddha

As the walls are slowly starting to close in on me, just as all my counts are starting to hit bottom (which is exactly what they want to happen YAY!), I am realizing that this first phase of treatment is like Interval Training.  I imagine myself in spin class, peddling like the crazy lady I am, pretending to be the next contender for the Tour de France, minus the outfit.  Getting ready to step one leg over the bike, knowing that this is that most challenging course the world knows.  Going as hard and strong as I can, and then I hear the instruction- it is time to slow down for the great break where I check breath, scenery, and of course check in with my thoughts.  It is here in the peaks and valley that thoughts can completely shift your entire experience in so many directions.

This image is not that far from my current reality, as I sit on the stationary bike in room 52.  The walls decorated with so many amazing cards, words of encouragement, two vision boards, and pictures.  The pictures are like gold, as they represent so much laughter, love, and abundance.  Reminding me that my prayers are already answered and I just have to work backwards to finish.  The nurses are amazing and are true healers in their support during my adventure, adding much laughter and love.

So here we are, a choice of epic proportion.  I can choose my ego or God Source…simple as that.  The divided mind is set up into two pathways: one the ego, which sets up the landscape of suffering through fearful thoughts, negative outcomes, false attachments, and sometimes may even try to be the voice of reason.  The second is the God Mind, which is the most brilliant lit path that guides through a constant love and truth.  So this should be a simple choice?  It is a simple choice, but it is the interweaving of the paths that creates the learning lessons of life and free will.

At 3 am, 2 of the nurses and I tried to maneuver through these deep thoughts and it almost seemed to take on a scene Monty Python Style. After much laughter and even getting into a small conversation about all the reality TV we use to try to get a “break” from our thoughts, I decided that I made a small stride to understanding:  It is a choice to be of and embrace the God (Source) Mind.  However, it may be important to check in with the ego mind instead of ignoring its very existence.  Trying to push away the thoughts will allow the ego to become a stronger force, which will try to confuse you and upset the delicate balance you need during a challenge.  The ego mind is very unpredictable and creates boundary within boundary, merely taking every opportunity it sees to plant the seeds of doubt.

However, just when you think that you have the odds stacked against you, you sense the familiarity of Gods light ever so gently guiding you back. Each time you turn to look back to Gods path the light just seems sweeter.  In many instances it is just as if you never left.  The familiarity of the light is so comforting and warm that there is no question of confusion.  You just simply feel love and navigation by love is always the right direction to our “gut”.   To feel the strength in progress being made and knowing that it doesn’t have to be looked upon as a step backwards, it is just a victorious step.

The polarities of the ego mind vs. God Mind are so deep and intricate that we could and do spend a lifetime sorting them through. Taking notice of the scenery in the ego mind is the contrast to the space that God invites us to live each day, until eventually the ego mind has been passed by through the whisper of wisdom.

There are so many examples of how the divided mind shapes our lives.  When hearing stories of the Chilean minors, most of them spoke directly of the egoic thoughts that tried to weaken their source and their will to survive.  There are countless books that guide us on the journey to understand and move past blocking points of the ego.  A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, in my opinion, is one of the best tools.  However, in day-to-day life it can seem a challenge keeping the weeds pulled from the Garden of the mind.  Tools I have come to use daily and may be familiar to many of you:

  1. Feel as if you already have what you want- Instead of focusing on the lack, feel every emotion connected to this manifestation as if it is already in your life.  “Feeling is the language that speaks, feel as though your goal is accomplished and your prayer is already answered.”
  2. Like attracts like- so make sure you align yourself with like energy then act upon your God Mind.
  3. Quit the “yeah, but” or waiting for the other shoe- The ego wants to plant the seed of doubt so be prepared and have an out clause. For me it is going back to step 1.
  4. Gratitude- focusing on conscious abundance. Dr. Wayne Dyer recommends the affirmation “I appreciate all that I am and all that I have.”
  5. Trust your gut and make peace with your current reality.

Once this becomes second nature to you, you will feel a renewed sense of peace in working with our thoughts.  “Change your thoughts, Change your life” WD

 

 

Thank for all your continued support.  Please add and share stories that you feel will add to this community of learning.

Peace and Blessings,

Holly

Namaste – The Divine Oneness!

As each sun rises,  I become more amazed at this journey.   How it started and just after 2 short weeks where it stands today.  I am doing amazing.  Finished my first elixirs and all is going beautifully.  Each morning I get up and ride a stationary bike in my room for close to an hour, then I shower.  The rest of the day I am either emailing, visiting with nurses, causing some sort of hilarious dissertation which will soon follow, meeting with docs (they do like to do their probing), eating which I have become champion.  During all this time, I do quiet myself and journal. As I have been ever so amazing by this internal shift, I feel like there are so many aspects that I want to share.  Being a yoga teacher certainly offers the opportunity to do so through this blog.  I want this to take on whatever form it needs to serve, for me, for those I love, for others who just like the ideas and humor.  Many of you have emailed me asking how to join.  go to http://www.hollysloveolution.wordpress.com   then go to the bottom right and click follow.  I would love you to share any information you feel goes hand with the topic discussed or any experiences you may have to share to make stronger the conscious shift.  I would love this to take on a life of its own and share the journey of oneness not just over a health challenge, but to live to our full capacity as loving human beings that are forever connected.

 

Namaste – The Divine Oneness!

At the end of many yoga classes, teachers will seal each practice with the wildly popular “Namaste” which means “the light source in me bows to the light source in you.”  This represents the belief that there is a Divine being or source within each of us, and it is this divine source that we should solely reflect in each other.

Oneness is a concept that is very simple, but hard to put into practice.  When we look into the eyes of our friends, family, we often see a mirror of difference and it would be safe to say for many a great divide of judgment and sarcasm.   However, with this simple intention it draws you back to the basic truth that we all ALL ONE.  Created by the same divinity, no matter what form or rituals may follow that belief.  In seeing this oneness, it is rather normal that we would go in the complete opposite direction to see the differences first before we can understand and complete the full circle.  Our ego will have us believe, we KNOW how this person should live their life, what they do wrong, and set up by our standards, we have the answers to make it better.  This is brought forward by the great judgment of the ego, your individual “I” maker that sets you up just right.  Allowing just enough confidence with empathy to make you believe you are right, but then just one step away, within that reflection comes forgiveness. You see, we can only love and forgive, sharing in each person’s journey, setting down the torch of judgment, embracing the experience as a learning lesson of our own.   It is an intense cycle, discussed in detail in “a New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle.  Understanding the ego is a challenge and may take a lifetime.  However, breaking through moments of sweetness to see the truth with a light that warms your entire soul and the connection to Gods guidance is proof you are on the right track. Then the moment may be gone, but all you need is that one breath because it is that breath that will wave you to the next light.

In coming full circle, Oneness may be described on certain days, such as 9/11, where we completely go beyond all form, race, ethnicity, and just LOVE.   We love beyond the special relationships, such as our mothers, fathers, family, and friends.  We just love because it is how we are guided to live.  Can you imagine a world where we see the same love for our mother as a stranger?   This is the love that breaks down the walls of hatred, judgment, and embraces universal love.    This is the love Jesus spoke of in biblical times. When we are willing to set free of our boundaries and just see the goodness in others as reflected in ourselves we will have =

ONENESS

I cannot say enough about how blessed I am to have all the love and support pouring in daily.  It has taught me that my own judgments are really just a weakness I see in myself.  Through oneness I am choosing to set aside my mirror of opinion and just be a part of each persons journey as you are being a part of mine.  Being the light I see in your reflection.  This strength comes when we build each other up in love and support, only allowing for this brilliant line to shine out!!

 

Much love and light!

 

Holly P

 

 

 

 

Home is where the heart Is!

The days following the words that will have forever changed my life were surreal in so many ways.  As I have said before, words really do not translate.  However,  the vibration of music ALWAYS translates.  I felt like I was living the song cosmic love by Florence and the Machine:

” A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through me, and now it’s left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating…..”

 

Looking into my husbands eyes I could see the love, strength, and courage from my own reflection.  Through my sons eyes, as a mother, I knew that I would have no choice, but to find my way through fear, panic, stress, decisions back to Gods heart and navigation.

A few days later I found myself sitting at the University of Chicago, speaking with loveolution specialist Dr. Wendy Stock.  It was one amazing moment and she made me feel so confident in the success I would have in treatment due to all the positives outlooks.  For example, this was found before I even had one symptom that lead me to look into it.  In addition, my youth, my positive attitude, and then many, many medical details such a philly chromosome negative which may not makes sense to many of you, but for adults with this loveolution makes a huge difference.  I had met the lady who was going to sweep me into her arms and take care of me.  After a long discussion about the Pediatric regimen, I just knew in my heart that I was going to make it through this.  I stopped questioning the whys and I embraced the because.  However, next came the big decision when asked “so are you from here?”  Tad and I had gone back and forth for days about which place would be the best to start treatment, what type of treatment.  We played out probably every possible scenario.  For all of you that know my passion regarding natural health, as you will see in future posts that the more natural treatments posed greater risks with less results (blood loveolution is different).  The decision was so difficult and heavy.  I thought of my mom and dad and the stress of knowing that I was out in the middle of the country trying to maneuver through something so amazing:  As a mother my heart broke.

It was 4 in the morning on Tuesday, October 11th.  I woke up to a peaceful breath!  I lay and look over at Sawyer and his beautiful face.  I crawled over to Tads side of the bed and cuddled up to him, which I had been doing the past 4 nights as waking up at 3 or 4 was not unusual considering.  He gave me a huge hug and kiss, told me it was going to be great.  I know he was telling me the truth so I settled back in to sleep.  However, something inside me wouldn’t let me fall back asleep.  Almost if there was some new awareness that I needed to connect to before I could go back to slumber.  I took some breaths and just explored.  What came next still  to this moment gives me the chills.  “Home is where the heart is”.  I have heard this a million times before associated with family, new homes, bad movies.  But this time it was so different.  It was a new connection to this very popular term.  God is inside me, inside the depth of my heart.  No matter what my external environment was regarding home,location, weather, -home was a brilliant bright light where God would navigate and guide me through this journey.  The stars that made a map back to his beating heart as florence describes in cosmic love.  This new insight was so empowering and played into the shift I had been feeling for days.  No matter what my environment, weather, house, no matter what doctor or hospital, God was always the light and warmth that would sail me forward connecting me internally to the voice that would guide me.  So this was the voice that I listened to when making our decision to come back to Boston.

That day was a crazy one.  Tad and I got back to our house after our meeting with Dr. Stock.  She had already taken care of all teh logistics for my care in Boston with the doctor she called “the Wendy Stock of Boston”.  Then with the help of two amazing friends, Tad and Dave (Sawyer actually just slowed us down  🙂  we packed up the necessities and I hoped on a plane at 4 in the am.  I did not feel like I left Chicago behind as I boarded my flight.  Everyday I get so many messages from all the amazing people that have become friends with over the past 5 years.  I feel their prayers and support and most of all their love.  I know I will be in their lives forever, just extending the life “Kula”

Today, things are going quite amazing.  I continue to listen to the truth that I am well and made in the image and likeness of God.  My first week of treatment went off without a hitch.  Everything is going great and the loveolution is responding beautifully, exactly as they like to see.  I have to say Dana Farber is amazing.  Right away knowing how important it was for me to have alternative care they set me up an appointment with an intergrative specialist for holisitic care.  ( We are not just talking supplementation…this is the real deal)  I got word 2 days ago that there was no loveolution in my spine or CNS which is just AWESOME!  All of your prayers and support are making this journey more amazing everyday.  Please keep your love coming as I am sending my love to you in our oneness!!

 

Many blessings in Light!

 

I can’t thank you all for your love and support!  My heart is so warm with all that you do each day.  Shanti

 

 

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real

I can not really explain what it felt like the first few days after hearing news of the blood results.  Each morning was like reliving it all over again, all the emotions flooding in trying to knock me off course from what I had decided and worked through the day/night before.  It was simply fear:  False Evidence trying to appear as real as could be.  Fear is such an amazing element of life.  We can fear all kinds of things like flying or heights, but those are just boundary testers bc just as we know this is a fear, we can work slowly toward overcoming or stay as far away as we would like.  There are much more complex levels of fear that go in many directions.  However, the bottom line is that FEAR creates a boundary which simply takes away the very freedom that keeps us alive and connected to God.   It slowly breaks us down we when embrace the physical evidence to be true, even when we know on many  levels that it is not.

I have taught many yoga classes on fear; how to minimize fear in ones life, how to embrace the challenge to learn, how to create more freedom, the list goes on.  However, after reflecting upon fear and doubt I have come to the realization that it all boils down to two ultimate fears: death and the unknown (and of course the fear of the hosptial food…what exactly is that?  lol)  I believe it is this ultimate ideal that all other fear stems.  It took one phone call to bring me eye level to this ultimate fear.  In truth, I believe that really there is not such thing as death.  Our physical vessel in the material world feels very real to us all, but it is the spirit inside that really shines out light.  This spirit can NOT die, so if we come full circle there is no such thing as death.  Historically, this is why so many cultures celebrate this experience.  However, this news definitely tested this to a whole new level.  It is one thing to ponder or be a risk taker, it is altogether different when it is put on your plate and we have no choice but to embrace it as a gift and challenge.  To look it straight in the eye and let go (truly let go) of false evidence and outcomes and just live in the truth.  The truth is that I am a child of God.  I believe I have written a journey earthside to learn and evolve spiritually.  Each challenge in your life is an opportunity to live fearlessly with faith.  To set yourself free from fleeting illusions and let love and God navigate you through.  There have been several days that I have failed to adapt to this truth, letting false evidence create fear of death, leaving my family behind, etc.  But I know this is not real.  Most days I move forward with Gods guidance, embracing the new lessons that are shifting me faster internally then ever before.  The realization that love and forgiveness is where it is at and applying these truly within each breath.

This experience will forever change me and I believe will bring forward much understanding in our connection to one another.  The words and encouragement that have assisted and lifted me up have been overwhelming.  We are all one and it is amazing to share and learn from one another!

“Life ain’t always beautiful, but it is a beautiful ride.”  GA   This is going to be a beautiful ride!

 

Many blessings in light,

Holly

Its a loveolution

It has been a week of shocking news and a great opportunity to put into motion all of my truths in life.  On Thursday of last week I was told that I have Leukemia.  Tad and I have decided to change the name to lovealution to make it seem much more loving and less fearful.  Truly I get to decide what I will give power to.  We have been designed to fear cancer instead of looking at it as an opportunity to see the amazing work that our physical vessel is capable.  My spirit is divinely perfect as it is created and made in the image and likeness of God, therefore I am well, whole, and complete.  I need you all to hold that thought for me as well.

I will be going to start chemo tomorrow and love my way through this journey.  I have decided that fighting is just not my style but loving my way through is a much better way to embrace this gift.  “With any disease, it will linger and recur when its nurtured by apprehension, until embraced as a great teacher and gift.”  Already in three days the internal shift that I have felt it beyond words.  The amount of love that I feel it doesn’t translate to anything I have ever known.  I have moments of fear, but those moments are the moments that I attach to false outcomes.  I can easily see my ego trying to keep me separate from my GOD.  However, with that being said I have taken the time to be scared, grieve, and make peace with this so I can move forward.  Looking into the eye of the tiger was a very scary moment.  That moment proved to go so far beyond fear that it brought me back to truth.  I have decided this is going to be the most amazing experience of my life.  I will align and apply all of my spiritual tools and beliefs to this point in life.  I get to do this all in a short time.
During this time I have been so thankful for the outpouring of love and support.  You are never bothering me…you have no idea how good it feels to read strong words of encouragement and love.  I have a couple of requests.  First I ask that you take your moment of fear/sadness face that and then embrace the beauty in this.  I ask that you envision once a day (or more 🙂 me telling you how easy this is and how I am already free of the lovealution)  Envision the trillions of cells in my body working together in light and love.  Envision me telling you I AM WELL!!  Secondly any prayers or prayer chains to help keep the loving energy coming my way would be such an appreciation…I feel all the love I am welcoming already.
I started treatment under the care of Dana Farber on Monday, however, I am in patient at Brigham and Womans for a month of treatment.  My naturopathic friends have assured that this particular lovealution is actually treated very successfully with chemo. After this first part I will begin my healing and cleaning up my body.  At this point and time I have no symptoms, it was by the grace of God that I just went to get a blood test to check my blood out.  Even so all my blood work was completely normal so the Angel in the pathlab just happened to see something he thought needed more testing.  This will be a journey of realization and awakening.  I will post every day and would love all your support and feedback during this journey in my life.
Many blessings,
Holly